Forever Could Be Ours

Chapter 09. | Bend My Morals

HAYLEIGH

I should never have joined the weekend trip.

I could have spent the weekend watching non-stop episodes of Gossip Girl, reminding myself that the closest to love I will ever get is watching the passion between Blair and Chuck while stuffing my mouth with chocolate-covered popcorn.

But instead, I had to slump around on a mattress without air with cicadas battling who could be the loudest, avoid mosquitoes sucking my blood like I was made out of lollies, and worst of all?

Listen to the obnoxious voice of Brittany trying her worst to get Alexander to notice her.

My mud-stained sneakers still stand by the foyer, I didn't bother to clean them after coming home. I passed out on the couch with a migraine so bad my temples pounded to the beat of my pulse. No painkillers made me feel better and within a day I was on bed rest with a stuffy nose and a sore throat.

I barely recall the bus drive home from the campsite. There was breakfast in the nearby scout house, but I didn't eat anything. I even declined the apple juice Matty offered, knowing I preferred it over orange. His deep concern was obvious by how many times he checked up on me, but knowing I would speak up if something bothered me, he remained silent.

For the first time in a while, I didn't want to speak to anyone.

Silence consumed me in a way it hasn't before, and for two days, I watched a whole season 3. I remember the episodes like the back of my hand. There was no reason to rewind the episodes between naps because I already knew where to pick up from the dialogue, outfits, or locations.

Matty FaceTimed once, quickly observing I both sounded and looked like a mess from how my nose was red and my blanket was wrapped around my body like a human burrito. He said I wasn't missing out on much besides Alexander acting moodier than his usual sunshine out of his ass self.

No shit Sherlock.

My heart begged my mind to tell the truth, tell him about the episode at the lake. I know Matty is the kind of person who shows support through your worst decisions, but I'm not ready for his honest judgment and reality check. Telling him the truth means I have to admit to myself that something is in fact happening between Alexander and I - at least from my perspective.

Normally, I find it easy to read a room but with Alexander, it's like his pages are blank and I have to fill in the ink myself.

I have absolutely no idea what is going on inside his head.

It wasn't until Thursday night I was slowly recovering, realizing I couldn't pull off another day off. Mum noticed the long breaks between my coughing and my decreased use of the nasal spray.

Matty once gave me a full lecture about the liquid being addicting like crack, but I couldn't help myself. I hate breathing through my mouth. It's like I can't get the air all the way down to my lunges.

I might need to consider starting a nasal rehab because I'm slowly realising detoxing won't be easy.

I know I shouldn't have spent the morning looking around for the stupid medical thing ten minutes before the bus arrived, and when I finally found it stuck between my sheets, it was too late to make it for my first class.

I made it in time to attend the second half of English, thinking I could take a short power nap before leaving for the next bus departure.

Public announcement: It wasn't just a power nap.

The hallway was empty and my eyes deeply focused on the floor as I walked into Ms. Lauren's classroom. I walked right into working with individual projects, the silence even thicker than it was in the hallway with everyone minding their own business in front of their laptops. Ms. Lauren only gave me a short glance like I was nothing but a wind blow gushing through the classroom.