So Wrong, It's Right (Louis)

Chapter 12

I apologise in advance for this chapter being a terrible mess. I mean when I say it's really not my best! 

Somehow, I was back on Liam. I think my loneliness had finally hit me after I've lost Zayn, someone I thought I'd never lose. That got me thinking about Liam and how he always seemed to just be around for me. He'd be gone from my life one day as well. I wouldn't be in a bad mood and see Liam coming out from wherever he was to come and find me, if he was even looking for me. 

His little dig at me yesterday also had me thinking. I did make numerous jokes about homosexuality and I have kissed a boy, who just happened to be Liam. I never paid much attention to my own sexuality. I never had a girlfriend since I was 13 either. Maybe I used to think it was because I was so Let's face it, I'd probably treat a girl horribly with the way I've been acting. Plus, I've seen the silence my mum's shut down into so I wouldn't want to be a cause of that to someone else. Then I'd be completely like my father. It's for the best that I didn't have one.

Could I be into boys? I didn't have a fucking clue. I couldn't figure myself out right now and if my dad ever found out that I was having these thoughts, I think he would be even more monstrous towards me. I had to protect myself by pushing that uncertainty about who I was away until I felt like I was free to figure it all out. 

Whenever I was in trouble, my mind went to Liam and that I wanted him or something of his around to comfort me. Did that mean I wanted to let Liam in? 

As always, I shook any feelings that weren't who I made myself out to be. I was a cruel person and I couldn't be capable of letting vulnerability get to me. I learned that from a young age, mainly when my football interest began. I was told not to cry if I lost a match because I didn't deserve to be sad when I didn't do all that I could to make sure that I didn't lose. 

I cried last night and nobody would ever know it. I was a staircase away from my father and he didn't hear me crying. He couldn't call me a loser but I felt like one anyway.

Now, the boy I let know he was an even bigger loser than I was didn't show up to school the next day. I  noticed that straight away because he wasn't off helping Harry around to class and Harry didn't look too happy. There had to be a reason why Niall wasn't at school and that made me start to get nervous, so nervous that I felt the need to look around for Zayn, wondering if that scared him too. 

It couldn't have been because of  the little joke I told Niall about wanting to suck off Harry. I told him jokes like that all the time. The lot of us threw jokes around like that to one another. It's no reason for Niall to be avoiding us. 

I watched Harry and Liam talking to each other and I couldn't help but think that it was all about Niall. He's the one who they talk about together all the time.

"Chatting about your boyfriend, are ya?" I announced as I walked over to them, a smirk plastered on my lips in my true fashion. I chuckled as I looked over to Liam, who had his phone pressed to his ear. "Ringing him up? Liam, I didn't know you cared so much." That was a lie because Liam cared about everyone in the world very damn much. 

"Sod off, Louis." Harry told me. "And quit it already. Niall's not Liam's boyfriend." There was something in the way that Harry was glaring at me that my fear over what was going on was building up, practically burning my ears.

I also started to figure something out. It had to do with Harry and Niall. My jokes to Niall weren't really jokes. It would make so much sense since he was always following Harry around and doing everything he could for him. He's even helping Harry with his physical therapy. Nobody just asks their water boy to help out with stuff like that. Niall liked Harry and Harry liked him right back.