So Wrong, It's Right (Louis)

Prologue

I could never call my life easy but I could say that there were times when it could be called easier. 

I've done a lot of shit that nobody ever should be proud of yet I acted like I was some amazing person that nobody could ever touch, nobody could ever think about crossing because they knew that I could hurt them. I liked feeling that way. I liked being able to strike fear in another person. 

That brings up the one person that I thought I could strike the most fear in, our water boy, Niall. Yeah, I know what his name is. I purposefully didn't put a name to his face because I thought it would be easier if I didn't. There was a different face I saw when I bullied him and that drove me further into my tormenting. I could just know him as Water Boy and treat him poorly. He would just take it and take it. I stripped him of the main point of who he was and added this delusion to him just so I could sleep better at night. 

I was right about Niall. I could beat him and win, pretending it was a different face, a different weakness. I wondered how much he'd be able to take from me until he turned out to be better than me. Apparently, it's very simple to be a better person than I am. 

I  think I've lost quite a few of my friends for being this way but I've lost so much more before. My own name was such a name that people despised hearing or even saying. I've heard the disgust that's been spoken and I act like it doesn't hurt and that I don't care. It somehow helps boost up this confidence I seem to carry around. 

Those friends who told me how much of a letdown I was just don't understand what it's like to be me. There are only a few people who know what it's like. I'm not going to discuss them too much just yet. One of them is currently blinded and won't believe it if anyone tried to to tell them that their spouse, a person they once swore and vowed to love, was a monster. Another one of them is the water boy and he's just making it all of this worse for me for so many reasons that I'm not going to share. I've already talked about myself too much and I don't like to do that.

There's other people who also know and they like to think they can try and make a difference with me. They should give up trying to find Louis Tomlinson. This version of me doesn't plan on leaving anytime soon. I can't be fixed and I don't want to be saved. I hope that I can just give them all one final push away so they will just leave me alone. 

Then there's Zayn. He's my best friend and I could probably call him a brother. We met a few years ago and now we're some dynamic duo. Out of all people in my life, he was the one who knew the most about me. I didn't tell him every single thing though. I just couldn't, the bigger part of it being that I just didn't like to get emotional with my best friend. I know best friends are said to share every thing but I'm not one of those kinds. I think Zayn understands why I'm that way so he's not upset over the fact I'm not one to share all of my feelings.

The big questions that people must have about me are 'why am I like this', as well as other forms of the question. Those questions are the ones that try to find this deep meaning of my behaviour. I don't want to be figured out like I'm some sort of game. I've been this way for quite some time now and I don't plan on changing because if I did, I'd lose my sense of strenght that I've found from doing terrible things. 

 I place blame it both the wrong and right places. I put the blame on the water boy. I put the blame on myself whenever I actually let myself think about how I'm acting and reacting. 

Then there's the one person I blame the most, the one I think really deserves a punch from me. 

There's one person I never wanted to become and that's my father. Unfortunately, I really failed myself because I'm practically just the younger version of him. 

Like father, like son is not always a dream to have. A father isn't automatically a man. My father definitely didn't fit the title and neither do I. It's too late for me anyway because I am just like him. 

I guess you could really say, 'like bully, like water boy'. 

I was an easy target so I sought out my own. The water boy made it so easy for me because he never fought back, which is the exact same thing I know how to do.

I know I said I was going to wait until I finished editing TWB to start this but there is no harm in posting an early prologue, right? Chapter 1 will definitely be after I finish editing,