So Wrong, It's Right (Louis)

Chapter 17

I could barely sleep last night, or for the past few nights rather. It wasn't my thoughts keeping me up at night this time. Instead, the harsh voices that belonged to my parents keep me from being able to get some rest. I'd squeeze my eyes shut and wished that they'd stop but none of my wishes have ever come true. 

I thought about climbing out from my bedroom window and just leaving so I could get away from their fighting. They wouldn't As much as I was happy about hearing my mum tell my father off, I could never stand the yelling. Usually, it was directed at me and I've grown immune to that but hearing him yell at my mum was something that made me feel ill and hate him far more than I already did. 

I remembered some of the things that were passed around between them. My mum was tired of living this way and felt like she was living in a world without love. She also knew that she didn't love him anymore and he didn't love her. My own heart broke at that but I could honestly say that I couldn't picture love ever existing between them. Sometimes I couldn't help but think my dad got my mum pregnant and then they were forced to be stuck together. 

They were going mad, a little bit more each day. The same things were being said and my father was blaming me betting out of control that was the problem. He was wrong. The problem was him and the way he treated us: his family. 

In the morning I acted like I didn't hear a single shouted word. I went downstairs, once I finally managed to get a few hours of sleep, and met my mum downstairs. I could tell that she was upset and have been crying but I still went on my way to pretend like I didn't know there was more to her story. 

Eventually, she came around and told me that she and my father have been getting into arguments a lot lately, and then felt like she needed to tell me that it had nothing to with me and what's happened. That wasn't true. In a way, I think all of this happened because what I've done was the last toll my family wanted to deal with. Maybe, in a way, all of my wrongdoings have helped us start to escape from this. 

I listened to her as if I was hearing all of this for the first time. As of now, she has no idea what's going to happen next but she knew that her heart wasn't for my father at all. 

My thinking went straight to divorce. It made the most sense to me because they weren't in love and they haven't had anything that even resembled a marriage in so many years. I barely have any family memories because we must have never really been one together. My family was just me and my mum. This man that picked on me for all my life was just someone who shared my DNA. I was stuck with him that way. 

The only part about my parents maybe not being together anymore that I was sad about was my mum having to pretty much start her entire life over. I had no idea what she was going to do with herself. She wasn't the one that paid the bills or provided us with money and a roof over our heads. We could easily lose all of our support and be left with nothing but each other. Thankfully, we were on track to having a relationship again. 

If they went through a lawyer, then I hoped my mum would want full custody of me since I'm not legally allowed to be self-dependant yet. 

I was already thinking ahead when I didn't even know if they would stay together or not. It would be a nightmare if they did. My mum didn't deserve a husband like my father. 

That afternoon I stayed in my room, giving my mum her space. I could hear her talking on the phone to somebody and then crying. I never left. I let her be and she never had to find out that I've heard her.

I also messaged Liam around the time school was finished for the day, telling him that he should come around and rescue me. I wanted to talk to him about what's on my mind now with my family. I felt like I could confide in Liam about things because of how warm and understanding he was as a person.