Betting On A Boy // Hyunlix

Confusing Confessions

When it was time, I went into Riot and waited for Felix. I wanted to move on from what happened with Jisung earlier, but bouncing back wasn't going to be as easy as I would've hoped.

"Hey." Felix seemed immediately concerned. "You okay?"

"Yeah, let's go." I took his hand and led him to my car. Usually, I carry him so it was pretty obvious something was up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked again while I was driving to his house.

"We'll talk about it in a few." I kept my eyes on the road with both hands on the steering wheel.

"Okay." He whispered.

I felt myself slipping into one of those states where I was overwhelmed with a lot of sadness and anger. I wanted to be left alone, but I also didn't want to leave Felix.

We finally made it inside his room so I took a deep breath, preparing to have the conversation regarding Jisung. But when I looked at him while he was sitting on the bed, my heart broke. He had a look in his eye where I could tell he was trying to be brave as well as trying not to cry.

"Felix, what's wrong?" I panicked.

"Nothing." He shook his head, biting his lip.

"Talk to me, what's going on?" I kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands in mine.

"It's just that I know what this conversation is going to be about, that's all." I guess Jisung already texted him.

"But why would it make you cry?"

"I'm not crying." He shook his head again, rubbing his eyes.

"Felix." I hated seeing him like this.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I'm being ridiculous, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you're okay." I wiped his eyes, trying to dry his tears the best I could. My fight with Jisung must've really affected him. "I think it needed to happen."

"But why?"

"He just needed to get it out of his system."

"He? Who's he?" He started to panic, hands shaking in mine.

"Jisung. Didn't he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I gave him a confused look, not so sure we were on the same page. "Hyunjin, what happened?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I stood up and shook my head. "Jisung and I got into a fight. What did you think was happening?" I realized exactly what must've been going on inside his mind once I asked. "Oh my god, no." I sat on the bed and pulled him on my lap, holding him tightly while lowering his head on my shoulder. "Baby, no. I'm not leaving you. Is that what you thought?" He nodded and sniffled.

Typically I'd find this type of reaction to be utterly bizarre, but I know he's different. Whether it's big or small, people like us take loss very seriously. All he has is his sister and Jisung, now there's me. He can't afford to lose anyone else. I just want to make him happy and he knows that. So if I ever left, it would be like ripping that happiness away from him.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be getting all emotional." He was trying his best to regain his composure, but I must've really scared him. "I just didn't know what was happening because I could tell immediately that something was off and I thought I did something wrong."

"No, you've never done anything wrong." I started to feel immense guilt flood my mind. It's me that's done something wrong. What's even scarier is that the fear of losing him has only made me want him more. I'm terrified every single day. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

"It's okay." He cuddled close into my arms and sniffled once again.

Maybe his reaction was also connected to his past relationship. I could only imagine what type of manipulation and abuse took place. This could be something he's experienced in the past and it was a trigger.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," I said, thinking about my theory. "What I wanted to talk about has nothing to do with us, I promise. It's about Jisung."

"What about him?" He tried to lift his head, but I lowered it right back down. I needed a second myself. Breathe, Hyunjin, breathe.

I exhaled deeply through my nose once I felt I regained my composure. "I went over to Minho's house and he was there. I didn't want to intrude or anything so I was going to leave, but that's just what I do every day; I drop you off and go to Minho's. But then Jisung asked me to stay and he just interrogated me the whole time until it turned into a fight."

"Like...fist fight?"

"No." I faintly smiled, finding it cute how he'd think that. "Just a lot of rude remarks and whatnot."

"But why? I don't get it."

"Because he doesn't like me and doesn't think we should be together." I shrugged, putting it in simple terms. Felix picked up his head and scrunched his nose, not too happy either. "What's on your mind?"

"He doesn't know you like I do so he doesn't get it. He's judging you for things without full context and that's his problem. He'll accuse you of all these things without actual proof of anything too."

"Actually," I smiled, "I brought up the sexual assault thing because I figured he was the one that told you that. I called Jeongin right on the spot and he straight up confirmed he lied because he was pissed." I could see relief rush through Felix's eyes. "I told you I'd never do anything like that."

"I know." He maneuvered his body so that his legs were on both sides of my hips. I figured he wanted a kiss, but instead, he started to play with my hair and pull it back. "Did anything else happen?"

"Minho just said he'd talk to him."

"He likes Minho a lot." He got up off my lap and left the room.

"Where you going?"

"Stay there, I'll be right back." He shouted from down the hall. "I'm just trying to see something." He came back moments later and sat on my lap with a focused expression then went back to playing with my hair. "Done." He nodded and took his hands away. "Wait." Then he pulled two strands out in front of my face. "Go look." He got up once again and followed me to the bathroom.

"You tied my hair back?" I laughed, finding his efforts sweet.

"I think it looks cute." He smiled, proud of his work.

"Should I wear it like th-"

"Yes." He cut me off with an intense expression.

"Okay, okay. I will." I picked him up in my arms and laid us back down on his bed. I always find myself lost in his eyes every time I dare to look. They're so pretty.

"Hyunjin?"

"Yeah?"

"You make me really happy." He was visibly nervous while saying it, but it made me smile. "And I don't think I've felt that way for a long time."

I thought about it for a second and realized there really hasn't been anything in his life in the past couple years that would make him happy. He works like crazy, he doesn't get to treat himself whatsoever, he lost his parents, he was in a disgusting relationship, and left his home country behind for the sake of his sister's dreams.

I've never been so painfully wrong about someone in my entire life. Felix is a beautiful person inside and out who deserves the world. He's hardworking, selfless, and cares so much for the people around him. He's so amazing and I'm the one lucky enough to have him in my arms every day.

"You make me really happy too. It's been a while."

I've used sex to fill the hole in my heart that Yeji left. But it seemed like no matter what I did, it just kept growing. Just because you're surrounded by so many people all the time doesn't mean you're not lonely. Except I don't feel that way anymore. Now I have Felix.

"Hyunjin?" He bit his lip, scared to say what was on his mind.

"Yes, baby?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you."