Letters From The Unhealed - POETRY

Entry Fifty

Dear Diary,

It's been a couple of weeks and I am still waiting
for it to get easier.
Some moments i'm fine, on top of the world
Some days her name does not even cross my mind

And then there's days like this one
Where i can't get this pit out of my stomach
I don't know what i want if i'm being honest
I don't want her. I despise her.
But i miss her.

Nobody ever talks about the grief of loving someone you hate.
A never ending lovesick cycle that is relentless and unforgiving
I think the lack of closure is what's driving me bonkers.

There was no final text, final phone call, final plea.
I disappeared in the wind like a butterfly amongst the trees
That's what i've always done, i'm really good at leaving.
Yet i struggle to understand why time wont stop fleeting.

Because five years from now, i will barely have this memory.
I will wake up and not think about the day she never answered.
I will wake up and not think about the trust that she betrayed.
I will wake up and not think about a fair weather friend who was never mine to begin with.

But for now, five years beforehand, I will grieve.
I will let the tears fall rapidly, muffling my cries.
I will learn how to get really good at saying goodbye.
And if the day comes, where she decides it's time to reach out.

I will politely SLAM the door in her face, and lock her the HELL out!