𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞 ᵗᵐʳ ᵃᵘ

Chapter 19: Skating

THE warm water drips down my back as I stare at the blood following the water into the drain. I stare at my legs, wondering what happened. I lost control again.

This hasn't happened since last year when I accidentally got Hana suspended. She was cool about it, said it was a mistake, an accident, but she didn't know. She didn't know how I blamed myself that night. How I cut my skin to the point that I couldn't see my thigh anymore because of the blood.

After that day, I told myself I would stop. And I did. until today.

It's my fault. It's all my fault.

I repeat that in my head with every swipe of the blade. I stare at my leg.

What have I done?

I drop the blade. About two months ago I reached one year clean. I guess all that time trying went to waste.

Someone knocked on the door. Fuck fuck fuck.

"What is it?" I ask with a crack in my voice.

"You've been showering for ages." It's Minho. "Hurry up, I want to shower too before we leave."

"Uhm, yeah... just give me a few minutes." Or hours. I turn off the shower and I take some of the tissues and try and get the blood away. I'm not the best at cleaning up. I remembered that the hotel had a med kit under the sink so I grabbed it out and looked for anything.

Bandages.

Thank the lord. I sighed and grabbed it out of the kit and wrapped it around my thigh. I shove the rest back in the bag and back under the sink. I changed into my clothes and left the bathroom. I think I have everything.

My dirty clothes and my phone.

I try and do my hair but every way I sit hurts so I just end up standing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Soon, we left to go to an ice skating rink. Keep in mind none of us can ice skate. We're gonna embarrass the fuck out of ourselves. We gone fall over and shit. Maybe I'll see some hot ice hockey players or figure skaters. You never know.

We grab our ice skates and stand up on the ice. Correction, we try. We had to hold on to the side so that we didn't fall, only Thomas failed miserably and Newt tried catching him but he fell as well.

"You know, I'm starting to think us ice skating is a bad idea," Hana whispered as we watched the couple fall over every five seconds. Yes, they haven't made it official that they're dating but it's kinda obvious.

(A/N: Someone help me. I have no clue how to write this)

Hana and I hold hands as we try ice skating but just end up falling. We get some... strange looks from the other people, but hey, we're just having some fun.

"No, Hana, you're not meant to walk with ice skates... Think about it as rollerblading," I said.

"I don't fucking rollerblade. I roller skate," She said, sighing as she fell over again. I look around the rink. Couples, couples, Grayson, Thomas and Newt- wait-

I look back to where I think I saw him.

The. Fuck.

I swear I just saw Grayson standing there. How'd he just disappear? Am I hallucinating? Maybe it's the sleep deprivation. I need more sleep. I should stop reading sex until two in the morning.

"Anika," A muffled voice said. "Snap out of it and stop staring at my brother," the voice said again, only this time I snapped out.

"Wait what? no, I wasn't-" I looked over to where I was zoned out and clearly enough, Minho was standing there. When the fuck did he get there? This is weird as shit.

"Yes, you were, now stop imagining him as the guy from your sex books."

"He would be the last person I would imagine as a guy from my books. The men in my books are... gentlemen... Minho isn't. He's just a bitch."

"You mean you're his bitch? Yeah, we're all aware of that," Hana said.

"What?" I asked. "I am not his bitch, nor will I ever be."

"Mhm, sure." She raised her eyebrow at me.

"The fact that you're saying that to your best friend about your brother is really strange," I said.

"Hey, I don't mind, like if you two are dating and you happen to get married, you'll be my sister." She smiled.

"I'm not marrying his ass. Never in a million years."

"Mhm."

After trying to skate again and miserably falling and landing on the cuts, I decided to sit out. It was fun ice skating, maybe I just need more practice.

"Hey," Someone said, sitting next to me. I look over and see Newt sitting there.

"Hey, are you oka-"

"Are you?" He cut off.

"...Yeah...Why?" I asked.

"You're clearly not. You've been acting strange this whole trip. Do you not wanna be here?" He asked.

"What! No, of course, I wanna be here, I've just been... preoccupied," I tried explaining.

"Preoccupied with what?" He asked, "You're on holiday, you're meant to relax."

"I'm aware," I sighed. "I'm trying to, trust me, I am..."

"But?"

"Why are you assuming there's a but?" I asked.

"There's always a but."

"Yeah... I guess there is," I said and he raised his eyebrow at me. "But I'm just having sleeping problems, it's fine."

"I feel like there's more to it than that, but, I won't push it if you're not ready. What I am going to do is give you a big hug because you need one and probably want one too," He said before his arms wrapped around my frame. I hugged him back after hesitating for a few seconds. Newt actually wasn't that taller than I was. It explains the baby face. He looks like a fucking fifteen-year-old at the age of nineteen. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

I'm drawing in the sketchbook again, trying to get the skirt of the dress to be perfect when I hear the door shut and something gets thrown at my face. 

"There's another love letter," Minho said before entering the bedroom. Geez, what's got his panties in a twist? 

I open the letter... and the same thing happens when I take out the paper. Photos fall out. I just ignore them. 

To A 

I'm always watching 

This isn't normal. No name. No address. No nothing. What the shit is going on. What if I'm being stalked? No, that's dumb, Anika, you're not being stalked just shut the fuck up. 

Whatever's going on still isn't normal. 

- - - - - - - 

A/N: I'm running out of ideas for my fill-in chapters.
I just wanna hurry up and get to the good parts but I need patience