The walk back to the Palace was a quiet one. My mind was swirling with memories I wanted to kill. Memories of him. Why was it so hard for me to see him like that? Powerless and dead. Survive, survive, survive. It was how I lived. How I had lived since I was ten years old. Since the Darkling watched my Squaller lesson for the first time. His words come rushing back to me.
Only someone very special can do what you do. You are a treasure, Natalia. You are my treasure.
He would never be able to make me feel powerless again. Neither will the King. Still, apart of me died today. That innocent part that still wanted their love. That still wanted to be accepted. This is the thought I had as we walked down the hill right outside the Little Palace. This is what I was thinking when I caught site of Kaz. I almost lose my footing as I looked at him. I almost smiled.
Inej continued towards the rest of our little group but I stop with Alina. I remove the sword from my back and hand it to her. 'You should have this.'
'It does not belong to me,' Alina said, putting her hands up, again.
'It belongs to a Saint, that wanted you to yield it,' I say. She takes it hesitantly. 'You can keep it safe until you can return it.'
'Thank you, Nat,' Alina said. 'For risking your life. For being there with me when I had to...'
I give her a soft smile. 'He used me just like he used you.' I hesitate. 'Can I ask you something?'
'Anything.'
'Did he ever... the King... Was there more...' I look down and sigh.
Alina grips my hand. 'Yeah. Yes, there were others.'
I nod and look at her. 'Be better, Alina. This world needs it.'
'Every day,' Alina nods.
She pulls into a tight hug and I allow it. I take a deep breath as she pulls away. She eyes the group a couple feet from us.
'Can you tell Nikolai about Zoya? I'll be there in a minute.'
I nod and she turns and walks away. I turn hesitantly over to the group. Over to Kaz. He was still watching me. He turns fully to me and I feel myself freeze for a second. He looked okay. As okay as he did before we got here. But something in his gaze has changed. Before I could think of anything to say Jesper was running towards me and spinning me around. I laugh as he carefully puts it down.
'Kirigan?' Nikolai asks.
I turn to him. There was blood on his jacket and the side of his face was busted to hell. His leg was wrapped, looked like a bullet wound.
'Dead,' I breathe out. 'Zoya is protecting the body. Alina... We want it burned.'
Nikolai struggled to his feet and held out his arms. I feel myself smile as I race towards him, carefully wrapping my arms around his hurt body.
'My country might have been sunk if you hadn't arrived,' Nikolai said, as he hugged me back. 'Again.'
He was talking to all of us but I felt his words sink into my skin.
'We'll settle those thanks in gold,' Kaz says.
I pull away from Nikolai to look at him. 'Or we could be patriots.'
Kaz scoffs. 'We aren't patriots, Nat. And this isn't my country.'
'Right,' I mumble.
'Follow me,' Nikolai said. 'I swore we would meet up... and I have some questions.'
I glance between Nikolai and Kaz. I turn my attention to Kaz. 'I'll see you guys later, yeah?'
He nods.
