Shattered Asylum

Chapter 37

I left school before anyone could talk to me, I didn't even stop to get my backpack from my locker. I run upstairs before my grandparents have a chance to really look at me. I slam my bathroom door shut and lock it. I start my shower, ready to scrub every inch of my body.

I hiss as I take my shirt off, the welts on my back burning. I choke out a sob as I look at myself in the mirror, the new gashes on my back covering the old ones. I take a deep breath before walking inside the shower. I bite down on my knuckles trying to muffle my screams as the beads of water torture my aching body.

I think about how much I hate myself as I scrub my skin raw. I prepare myself before I wash between my legs, knowing it's going to hurt. Once i'm done, I sit down in the bathtub and hope the hot water will wash away the hate and disgust I feel. 

I got out once the water turned cold. I've been laying in my bed and dissociating from everything. My grandparents have tried talking to me a few times but they stopped trying after I yelled at them to leave me alone. I've never gotten angry at them before, I thought I would feel bad after but I didn't. All I wanted them to do was get out of my room and leave me alone.

I shut my phone off, annoyed of the repetitive notifications I kept getting. I take my sleeping pill and wait for it to kick in. I lay in the dark trying to think of anything else but my aching body.

I turn YouTube on my TV and click a random ASMR video, letting the noise relax my body and mind. I slowly start to fall asleep, the pill finally working.

~ 

I didn't go to school for the next two days, telling grandma i'm sick. They know something is up with me but every time they try to ask I change the subject. I've been covering my bruises with foundation, well attempting to. I haven't eaten anything, I don't think I could if I wanted to. I know I would throw up the minute I swallowed anything.

Today is Friday and grandma is making me go to school. I begged for her to let me stay home but she said the school called her and told her I have used up all the days I could have off for the semester. 

I've been crying all morning, dreading the thought of leaving my bed. "Buongiorno amore mio. Cosa c'è che non va?" (Good morning my love. What's wrong?) Grandma asks sitting down next to me at the dining table. 

I wipe my swollen eyes and runny nose. "Non voglio andare." (I don't want to go.) I sniffle as tears run down my cheeks. "Lo so nipote, vorrei che tu non dovessi farlo, ma sono piuttosto severi riguardo a questa regola." (I know grand daughter, I wish you didn't have to, but they're pretty strict about this rule.) She says, rubbing my back.

I put my head on her shoulder, letting my tears soak her shirt. "Per favore dimmi cosa c'è che non va amore mio, voglio solo aiutarti." (Please tell me what's wrong my love, I just want to help you.) She pleads holding me. 

"Ho paura di lui." (I'm scared of him.) I whisper. "Di chi? Daniele? Ha fatto qualcosa?" (Of who? Daniel? Did he do something?) She asks while rocking us back and forth. I bite my quivering lip as I slowly nod my head. She was about to ask something when grandpa interrupts her.

"Buongiorno miei amori. Teddy è pronto per portarti a scuola." (Good morning my loves. Teddy is ready to take you to school.) He says while pouring himself a cup of coffee. His smile fades as he looks at me. He sighs as he walks over to us.

"Mi dispiace di non aver potuto fare di più. I tuoi giorni si riempiranno una volta iniziato il nuovo semestre." (I'm sorry I couldn't do more. Your days will fill up once the new semester begins.) He says while rubbing my knee. I understand, it's not their fault.

I nod and stand up. I wipe my tears away and put on a fake smile. "Voglio parlare ancora una volta che torni a casa, ok?" (I want to talk again once you get home, okay?) Grandma says before hugging me.

"Sarà meglio che vada, non voglio lasciare Teddy ad aspettare." (I better go, I don't want to leave Teddy waiting.) I say, hugging her back. "I love you. Try to have a good day." Grandpa says, rubbing my back. I bite my cheek, trying not to scream in pain. 

"I love you guys." I tell them before making my way outside. I close my eyes and take a few deep breathes before I put on a rictus smile. I just need to get through today in one piece and then I can come home and wither away in my bed for the weekend.

I know I need to tell them about what happened. The wound is just so fresh still and i'm not ready to rip off the band aid. I haven't listened to the video, I don't even know if it picked up anything. Maybe I can just send it to them and kill two birds with one stone.