To Fall in Love | ✓

12:01

12:01

❀

I was told Kevin would be returning home today so what was I doing at the station?

Spending days cooped up in a blanket, refusing any means of human contact left you with swollen eyes and a bleeding heart.

The bleeding in my chest had numbed out as I spent the week deep in thought, trying to pull out the bits where I had gone wrong.

I loved Kevin. I loved that he would notice when I was cold. I loved that he could make me smile. And most of all I loved that he could make me feel so alive.

I fell so hard, and so easily and didn't notice when I had reached the end of the cliff and plunged right into the deep blue sea.

In midst of my drowning I thought of Marisol, of beautiful and precious Marisol with her tender eyes and soft hair.

I couldn't compete with that.

Then I thought of Caitlyn who was nice enough to lead Marisol to the same game I was in a week's time.

And then I had realised that everyone moved on, with or without me, while I was stuck in a time no one knew or no one cared for.

Ana being the sweetheart, promised me she made Marisol's life hell back at office but was it really her entire fault? The kiss I had observed was two sided. Maybe he made her feel alive too.

I thought of my life of how I had spent so much time behind a man, so much love on a person, only to realise it had never reached them at all.

So I thought of myself, of the person I was before and the person I had become after. I thought of the things I had learnt and the mistakes I had made for him. I thought of the future that was waiting for me.

Kevin emerged out from behind a pillar, holding bags as his eyes popped out on seeing me. He paused unsure of what to do next so I took the initiative and headed over.

"Alice." He said, caressing my name softly against his lips. Another wave of sadness washed over me as I suppressed it with the numbness in my heart.

"Falling in love with you was so easy, so effortless. I didn't even realise it until I was completely submerged and drowning and found a bottomless sea with no anchor to hold onto."

He opened his mouth and closed it again, his eyes moving rapidly so soak in my confession. I realised I hadn't ever told him that I loved him.

Maybe it could have changed things, maybe we wouldn't be here, standing two feet apart like strangers that met under a circumstance they didn't want any part of.

But the apprehension of the future wasn't strong enough to pull me back to its misery, I was stronger than that. I had become stronger than that.

And knew I would regret it if I did this any other way.

"I don't think I'm ready." He managed finally, his eyes trying hard not to meet mine.

I smiled, "Me neither."

• fin •

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