Only the Moon Knows How I Feel for You

Ch 3: The Way You Make Me Feel

Akk sat in his bed, underneath his soft blankets while on the phone with Ayan. He attempts to listen as best as he can to their conversation but can't help getting lost in his thoughts.

He definitely thinks there's something wrong with him. Ever since that night when his friends teased him about being in love with Ayan a month ago, he feels like he's losing his mind. Everything no longer feels normal and he's unsure how to behave. He senses something is changing within him and it's terrifying.

Before, he accepted every bit of affection Ayan would give him. Whether it was a soft caress of the smaller friend's hands against his skin or a calm pat on the back, Akk craved Ayan's existence. It's been like that since the moment they became friends.

A powerful force must be inflicting its effects on them because closeness is an understatement when it comes to describing their relationship: they're inseparable.

Sure, they often fight about silly things but despite their constant playful bickering, they are each other's safe space. Ayan just has this charm about him that makes it impossible to not want him around.

Ayan was there for him during his darkest moments. When he was struggling with his mental health as a result of multiple factors regarding school, deciding his future career, coming to terms with his sexuality and fear of disappointing the people he loves, Ayan was there. He refused to leave his side and Akk is forever grateful to him for it.

It was also expected that whenever Ayan would stay the night at Akk's place—which was quite often—they would easily find themselves wrapped in the other's arms. It was a source of familiarity, a sense of security. There were many moments that could verify the level of intimacy they exhibit. To others, it may seem like unusual behavior between friends, but their relationship didn't bother them, especially for Akk.

Until recently...

Now, every time Ayan does so much as look at Akk, he feels like the air is knocked out of his lungs. He can't help but look away in shyness. These feelings were torturous and it confused the hell out of him.

Ayan's presence is consuming every corner of his mind, overtaking it like a cruel virus.

Initially, these thoughts started out small. For instance, every time Ayan smiled during their daily video calls, Akk would notice the shape of his lips and how they beautifully curve into these soft arches. He'd often think about grazing those lips with his thumbs, curious to know how soft they'd feel against his own.

Sometimes, Akk could even feel himself holding his breath with the way his heartbeat would abruptly stutter the moment Ayan says his name. His voice, so gentle and velvety, the way it dripped like thick honey against Akk's eardrums. God, it was alluring. He could listen to him talk about the most mundane things all day, if he could.

Even when they weren't on the phone, Akk couldn't stop thinking about Ayan. Whether he was in class, at his part-time job at the local library, or hanging with Kan and Wat, Ayan was there. He somehow always managed to slither his way in, reminding Akk of his existence despite the minimal communicative distance they gave each other. It was as if he put a curse on Akk to think of nothing and no one other than him.