Only the Moon Knows How I Feel for You

Chapter 5: Between Distance and Desperation

The evening sun painted the city in hues of gold and pink as Akk sat by the window, fidgeting with his phone. He had been trying to reach Ayan ever since the abrupt end to their call a few nights ago. The worry gnawed at him, a persistent feeling that refused to be pushed aside.

"Ayan, where are you?" he mumbled, his thumb hovering over the call button. The room seemed to close in on him, shadows deepening as the day faded into night.

Akk tried reaching out to Kan and Wat, hoping someone had heard from Ayan, but the responses were the same – silence. The knots in his stomach tightened with each unanswered call. Something was wrong, and Akk couldn't shake off the unease.

Finally, just as the darkness outside his window deepened, his phone buzzed with an incoming call. Akk's heart raced as he snatched it up, the relief washing over him when he saw Ayan's name on the screen.

"Aye!" Akk exclaimed, his voice echoing a mix of worry and relief.

"Hey..." came Ayan's tired response. There was a heaviness in his tone that immediately caught Akk's attention.

"What happened? Are you okay? Why did you leave without saying anything?" Akk fired off questions, the concern in his voice noticeable.

Ayan sighed on the other end of the line, a heavy sound laden with exhaustion. "I'm sorry, Akk. It's been a rough few nights. My uncle... he was rushed to the hospital. There was an issue with the medication prescribed to him...and..." Ayan couldn't hold it together any longer and began to sob uncontrollably on the other side of the line.

Akk's heart shattered hearing Ayan break down, "Oh no, Aye. I'm so sorry. Is he okay?"

There was a pause, and Akk could almost hear Ayan's hesitation. "No, he's not. Things are happening so fast. I didn't mean to cut the call short last time, but I had to go."

"I understand. I'm here for you. Is there anything I can do?" Akk offered, the worry for his friend intensifying.

"Really? Are you sure you can do that for me?" Ayan comments. The words drag off his tongue like sharp blades.

"What...do you mean by that?" Akk questions, feeling uneasy by his friend's sudden change in emotions.

Ayan's next words hit Akk like a punch to the gut. "I feel like you've been distant lately, Akk. In our calls, it's like you're not really listening. It feels like you don't care about me."

Akk's mind raced, guilt settling heavily in his chest. He hadn't realized how his own struggles had affected his interactions with Ayan. "No, Aye, I... I've just been dealing with a few things, and I guess I haven't been the greatest friend lately. I'm sorry."

Akk stops. "But I'm here now."

Ayan's voice softened, carrying a vulnerability that tugged at Akk's heart. "I miss home, Akk. I miss you, everyone. I'm scared, and I feel like you're slipping away."

Ayan hesitates for a moment, an air of discomfort fills the call. Akk holds his breath as if the slightest exhale could cause Ayan to break.

"What if... my uncle doesn't make it? What if we came all the way to the US for nothing?"

Akk's own worry deepened, mirroring Ayan's fear. "Aye, you're doing all you can. This isn't easy and while we won't know the outcome, just know...they're going to do everything they can to help."

Akk struggled to find the right words but hoped being here now shows his true intentions.

"You're not alone in this. I'm here for you, no matter what. I'm sorry for being so distant. I promise I'll do better."

Ayan sniffled on the other end of the line, and Akk could sense the weight of the emotions he was carrying. "Thank you, Akk. I'm just scared. I feel like I'm losing everything."

"You don't have to face it alone. Lean on me. Be weak with me. You're allowed to be weak, at least with me. I want to be here for you," Akk reassured, a genuine desire to support his friend filling his words.

Ayan swallows his rapid heavy breathing. He closes his eyes and slows his thoughts to continue talking.

"Thanks, Akk. I appreciate it."

Briefly, it was just a second but Akk believes he saw a subtle smile creep on Ayan's face. A feeling of relief washes over him. While he can't heal everything right now, he's grateful to be here now for Ayan.

"I'm truly glad we're friends," Ayan said, his voice breaking slightly.

Akk's heart sank. Ayan's words, though sincere, sparked a realization that had been lingering in the background – the reminder that they were just friends. He wasn't wrong but there was invisible poison in that word. A pang of guilt settled in Akk's chest as he grappled with the truth under these untimely circumstances.

He stops his inconsiderate thoughts and refocuses his attention to Ayan.

"I'm glad too, Aye," Akk replied, forcing a smile into his voice, even though his heart ached. Seeing Ayan cry made Akk feel helpless. Mentally, he pleaded with whatever god was listening for a chance to give his friend a hug in this moment of pain.

"We'll get through this together, okay?" Akk reassures.

As the conversation continued, Akk did his best to console Ayan, offering words of comfort and support. Yet, beneath the surface, an internal struggle raged within him.

He felt selfish for wanting more than friendship during a time of crisis, but the ache of unrequited feelings lingered. Heightened by the recent events along with this sudden incident, Akk realized how harmful his feelings are for Ayan.

"Maybe it's best if he never knows. Maybe I'll only hurt him more. If we stop being friends because of me..." His mind couldn't stop these unwarranted beliefs. Fear rushed through his blood, trying to pool out. It was ready to taint everything. He needs to stop

Ayan, oblivious to Akk's raging thoughts, continued to pour his heart out. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Akk. Thanks for being there for me."

Akk swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing. "Of course. I'll always be here for you."

After their conversation dwindled down, Ayan fell asleep on the phone, leaving Akk alone in the dimly lit room. He kept quiet as he peacefully watched Ayan slowly inhaling and exhaling soft breaths.

Despite the calmness of Akk's environment, he couldn't shake the sense of sadness that settled over him. He wanted to be there for Ayan, but the realization that his feelings had to remain hidden added an extra layer of fear. If he ever let Ayan know, maybe it would complicate things. Ayan's already handling so much, he can't imagine the amount of pressure that would put on him.

As he sat alone with his thoughts, he kept reflecting on the events from tonight.