MerDer; The Book

Chapter 12

*This chapter contains adult content, if you are still completely innocent and pure stop reading this chapter after Derek's; 'So very responsive..'*

They were now on Meredith's couch, a big bowl of popcorn on Derek's lap, his feet were up the coffee table. Meredith was snuggled to his side under a little blanket, her legs propped up on the lounge. On the tv was Top Gun: Maverick© playing, a movie they both loved. Derek was in to anything with speed or competition, it didn't matter if it were cars, fighter jets or a simple football game. As long as it was manly and didn't involve too much drama or romance it was fine for him. Meredith was a secret sucker for romance, she loved Dirty Dancing© and The Lucky One© for example, although she would never admit that out loud. So, she kept it a secret and would settle with Derek for an action movie, something they both seemed to enjoy.

After her breakdown earlier that day she had managed to calm down, she didn't like crying but, in the end, it helped to ease away the sharp edges. Working in a hospital was keeping her grounded, both feet on the floor, grateful that she was able to help many with situations which seemed hopeless but it also meant she had to deal with unfair losses. In the back of her mind there was still a bit of sadness, nobody deserved to be taken away too soon, life itself could be cruel and unfair. It was these losses that made her want to become a better doctor, made her want to work harder and achieve more. And how hard it may seem, it was in these cases where her love for helping people had been born.

She was around the same age as Steffie was when she figured she wanted to become a doctor. Having Ellis Grey as a mom had its perks, she had been in the hospital from a very young age, being able to watch surgeries from the gallery most of her fellow interns were still dreaming to see. When she had told her mom that she wanted to become a doctor, a surgeon to be more precise, Ellis had questioned it immediately. She was sure Meredith wouldn't be able to get herself through med school, she was too unfocussed, wasn't smart enough and mostly she wasn't hard enough. She had too many feelings, she looked too much like her dad according to her mom.

All the doubts her mother reflected on her resulted in Meredith wanting to prove her wrong, showing her, she was a capable and smart woman. So that was what she did, from high school to college, Meredith was on top of her class. Her focus was on school, therefor she wasn't an exact outcast but also wasn't the most popular girl in school. During the year all her focus was on getting high grades, it wasn't until she about to finish high school that she came to realisation that there was more to life than studying. So, during the last summer break before college she got in to partying, starting with small parties, drinking beer and punch. She learned that alcohol was a great way for her to let loose, to become a version of herself which other people seemed to enjoy. A version guys were in to; she was giggly, able to flirt and made witty comments, all under the slight influence of alcohol. Back in those days she was a lightweight, tipsy from just a couple of red cups.

It was during one of the last weekends that summer that she met James Goswick, he was three years older than she was. He was a nice and funny guy, kind of honourable for a boy that age, he had made it clear from the beginning that he wanted more from her. For the next two weeks he was being a real gentleman, he made it seem like what they had was special, that there could be more for them. Thinking back now, she knew she was misled, but back in the day she didn't understand that he was simply after her V-card. She thought they had something more than a casual fling, she thought that she wanted to give him her virginity, all her friends were having sex, so she thought it was normal.

She was nervous as hell but also determined, it was the last Saturday before she would go to college, after that night they wouldn't be able to see each other for months. The prospect of not seeing each other for a long time made her do it, she wanted to give her virginity to him. She had a little bit more to drink, slightly more intoxicated than other nights. When he had taken her upstairs to a room, she had followed him willingly. He wasn't soft and sweet, he wasn't thinking about her, he was doing it for him. From start to finish it took about 10 minutes, her pants barely had left her bottom before he had pushed himself in to her, within minutes he had come, pulled up his pants and had left her to party on. To say it was an anticlimax was an understatement, she felt dirty and gross after the deed. That was the last time she ever heard or seen James Goswick, the prick.