(We find our hero Steven Universe at his home that he shares with his three alien guardians/ pains in the ass)
"(Flipping through his phone) Damn it! What the Hell is her problem?!? Why the Hell do I have to do that shit?!" Steven snapped as a certain purple blob rolled in.
"(Looks at the narrator) Fuck off. You just wish you could smash this blob." She says as Steven looks at her.
"Amethyst, the narrator is just doing his job. Why are you back so early anyway?" Steven asks as I give Amethyst the "up yours" sign.
"Back early because your Dad is a total minuteman. The guy may have been good in bed when your Mom was still around, but goddamn has the mighty fallen." Amethyst said as Steven shook his head.
"I don't wannat to hear about you and Dad fucking. I've already got enough painful shit on my mind. Like this text message I got from Connie." He said.
"Did she send you one of those Rule 34 NSFWs where she's blowing your Dad or some other guy?" Amethyst asked almost way too eagerly.
"No. And why the Hell do you even want....know what? Nevermind. She sent me a message saying how she wants me to let her see my phone so she can scan it for anything that (makes arrow points) "isn't supposed to be there", which I don't get at all. Why am I under fucking suspicion but she never is whenever she goes to a college study? She never lets me check her phone or messages." Steven said.
"That just screams that she's got something to hide. To be fair, it's not like she's your first, you know? Peridot still wonders if you and her are ever going to fully commit after you gave her your "Diamond Drill"." Amethyst said with a chuckle as Steven glared at her.
"That was only one time and it was because she was curious! I wasn't even dating Connie at the time, so I don't see the issue at all!" He exclaimed.
"Never said there was. Considering how happy Peridot gets whenever she thinks of that night? Kinda makes me want you to drill me too." Amethyst said, giving a nod to the Stevethyst shippers who knew where this exchange was eventually heading.
"And have Garnet and Pearl on my ass? No fucking thank you." Steven said as Pearl came in with her arms crossed.
"Steven. Why did Connie call me telling me that you're hiding something? Are you cheating on her? She's a good and smart girl and you're lucky to have someone like that who....." Pearl says as Steven just looked at her as her words melted away in his head:
(Squawk, Squawk, Squawk)
"And I'm wondering what you could be....huh?!! Steven, are you listening to me?!?" Pearl snapped.
"Pretty sure both of us stopped listening to you, P." Amethyst said as Pearl ignored her.
"A relationship has to have trust and Steven should trust Connie enough to let her scan his phone." Pearl said
"Says the one who proved she's untrustworthy with all the secrets she kept. Damn, Pearl. You and Connie need to just get married already." Steven said.
"Oh fuck you! You're always having your way taking shots at me and for what?!!" Pearl snapped.
"Fuck you? Heh. Bend over. But you sure you want to do it out here? Amethyst is right here." Steven said with a chuckle.
"I'm good. I was going to grab my vibrator anyway. Just let me have next once you two are done." Amethyst said as Pearl was so speechless that she stomped out the door, blushing furiously.
"........You know I'm still down to fuck, right?" Amethyst asked as Steven looked at her for a moment.
(Later........)
(Amethyst moaning as Steven drills her and...)
"GAHHHHHHHH!" Steven yells as he unleashes his load as well as some pink energy that breaks the bedroom window.
"Oh....yes......." Amethyst said in bliss.
(Steven's phone vibrates....)
"It's Connie again." He says.
"Who?" Amethyst asks.
"Exactly." Steven said as he tossed his phone to the side.
Outro:What do you guys think so far?