Paper Planes | Jungkook ff

Guilt

Pov Olivia

Refreshed, I leave the restroom and walk back to my table just to see a confused Chris holding a phone onto his ear.
My phone.
"Hey, what's up?" , I ask now confused as well.
As soon as the words leave my mouth, he looks up at me and then back to my phone.
"Someone was calling you non stop and when you didn't come back I was afraid something urgent is going on, so I picked it up but-"

"-who was it?", I cut him off, my eyes widening in panic.
He turns the screen of my phone and says
"Jk?"
Immediately, my entire body freezes, tension starts growing in every single vein of my body and I feel..

I just feel guilty and fucked up.

Harshly, I snatch my phone from his hand and put my jacket on,
"Chris I'm really really sorry but I need to go now. I have to clear-"
"- you're not taken, right? We're not cheating or anything, are we?" , he asks and I hear the doubts through his voice and I feel so bad for making him think that.
"No.. we're not. It's something else I need to solve. I'm sorry", I say and quickly leave the restaurant as I feel a hard lump in my throat which I try to gulp down.
Everyone's looking at me but I'm not in the position to pay any attention to them. I just need to find him and talk to him.
Deep down, I knew something shitty would happen today, I already had a bad feeling in my gut.
Again, I can confirm that Karma really isn't on my side and never was.
I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time...
Phone pressed to my ear, I try to reach Jungkook while walking headless through a crowd but he doesn't pick up. No matter how many times I call him he never picks up and my heart's pounding and aching at the same time.
Theoretically, I did nothing wrong, except for ditching Chris on our Blind Date.
I need to properly apologize to him after cleaning up this mess.
But practically, it somehow wasn't right to go on a date with someone else when Jungkook was the one to take care of me in my helpless times. Even though I had to thank him for the other day in a proper manner and show him how much I appreciated his actions, I just pissed him undeservedly off. On top of that, I was on a date with someone he was about to beat up back then at school, so I don't even wanna think about how furious he might be right now.
That's what my heart keeps claiming.

What my brain tries to convince me about, is the fact that I'm not dating Jungkook, and that it's my right to go on a date with anyone, anytime, without feeling guilty. I don't owe him an explanation.

But why does my heart ache so much? Why do I feel like crying my eyes out?
And most importantly, why do I feel like I'm betraying him?

Screw my brain, I need to find Jungkook and explain myself.

When I couldn't reach him for the n'th time, I make my way to his house in hope to find him there. The cold air feels like a slap against my face and I barely keep my eyes open against the wind while my legs drag me forward and my breathes become short but fast.
I walk through the dark streets leading to his house but before I reach it, I suddenly see a silhouette at the end of a park I'm walking past by. I stop abruptly and try to identify the person standing there all alone and as soon as I see the smoke the mysterious person breaths out, my heart starts pounding merciless against my chest. I slowly approach the person and when I'm just a few feets away, my assumption gets confirmed.
There he is, standing motionless on the dirty ground, his arms leaning against the railing and head hanging down between them. He only moves when he brings the cigarette to his mouth and then back to his previous position, lazily exhaling the smoke.
With tiny steps, I slowly approach him from the back, scared to do a wrong move as if I'm about to break something at any time.

"Save it"

I immediately freeze in my place, as he suddenly starts speaking, without even looking at me. I didn't even approach him, yet he felt my presence and I'm kind of feared of his inhuman senses. His voice is sharp and deeper than usual, drained of any kind of emotion, sending chills down my spine.