The Undercover Rookie [A Bensler Fanfiction]

32

TW: suicidal thoughts

Olivia felt weighed down as she laid in her hospital bed, her wrists wrapped in restraints. The room was mostly empty, and the only people who saw her were nurses and a doctor. A lot of her pain had returned, and she wished she had timed her attempt better to ensure Elliot wouldn't have gotten to her in time. As she waited for the drugs to take over, all she could think about was how Aiden would be better off with Kathy as his mother.

"Hey, baby," Elliot spoke softly as he leaned against the doorframe. Olivia looked over at her boyfriend, her eyes wide in shock. She thought he would have taken the chance to leave her, but instead, he had stayed.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked, hoarsely.

"You tried to kill yourself, Liv. I think you need me right now," Elliot replied, quietly moving to Olivia's bedside. He grabbed the only chair in the room and sank in it, before leaning forward and grabbing Olivia's hand.

"You should have taken Aiden and left me in the apartment. You'd be better off without me," Olivia whispered.

"Honestly, baby... If you were successful, I would never get better. I love you so much, and I need you in my life. Aiden needs his mommy, and your mother needs her little girl." Elliot frowned deeply.

Olivia shook her head and tried to shake Elliot's hand from her own. 

"My mother hates me, and that is why she picked my ex-best friend over me and Aiden. She would celebrate my demise," Olivia huffed.

"No, she wouldn't. Your mother is in the waiting room with Aiden."

"What?" Olivia asked.

"I called her and she came here. We got into a little fight, but we are going to work together to help you make it through this. Do you want to see her and our kid?" Elliot replied, as Olivia slowly turned to look at him.

"I feel so lost, El," Olivia whispered.

"I know, babe. We will help you find yourself again. Please don't shut down and lock us out. Okay?"

"Okay," Olivia breathed, but she didn't know if she could promise Elliot that.

///

Serena stayed with Olivia while Elliot went home with Aiden. When he arrived at the apartment, Kathy was standing outside the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here? It's really early," Elliot frowned, as he awkwardly reached into his pocket for his keys.

"I forgot my purse in your car, so I came by last night to grab it, but you weren't here. So I'm back now for it."

"Give me a few minutes. I need to change Aiden's diaper and get a bottle going," Elliot replied.

He and Kathy moved into the apartment, which was a mess. Kathy looked around with wide eyes before leaning down and grabbing the packaging from some medical supplies.

"El, what's this?" Kathy asked as she walked into Elliot's bedroom. He looked up from Aiden and frowned when he saw what Kathy was holding.

"We ran out of here in a rush, and I didn't have time to clean up what the EMT left behind," Elliot replied.

"EMT?! Elliot, what the hell happened?!" Kathy demanded. Elliot quietly finished changing Aiden's diaper before picking his little boy up.

"Olivia overdosed while we were at your appointment. I got home, and she had fed Aiden and changed his diaper before downing about twenty or so pills from the medicine cabinet. Some for my back injury and depression," Elliot replied.

Kathy swallowed hard as tears burned her eyes.

"El, I'm so sorry. Is she okay?" 

"She'll be okay. Serena is with her right now, and we are going to discuss inpatient treatment programs and other things," Elliot replied, as Kathy quietly wiped tears from her cheeks. 

"I'm so sorry, Elliot. I didn't help-" Kathy started, but Elliot interrupted her.

"What happened isn't your fault. A lot of stuff just started to pile up, and it got to her," Elliot whispered. He took an arm away from Aiden and gently touched Kathy's tear-soaked cheek.

"Let me help you out, El. With Aiden and Olivia. Please," Kathy sniffled.

"You don't have to, Kath. You have a lot going on yourself, and I don't want to stress you out more. Let's go downstairs and get your purse."

///

Serena and Olivia didn't speak to each other. Olivia still felt horrible about everything that happened, especially since her mother chose Stephanie over herself and Aiden. Their relationship had fallen apart once again, and Olivia didn't know if they would ever be a part of each other's lives.

"How are you feeling?" Serena asked as she sat down beside Olivia's bed. Olivia was still restrained, so Serena had to give her sips of water or scratch her nose.

"I'm fine," Olivia replied awkwardly.

"Um, I think-"

"If you want to dissect what has happened, I don't think we need to," Olivia interrupted.

"Really? Because you tried to kill yourself," Serena grumbled.

"Yeah, I did," Olivia replied plainly.

Serena rolled her eyes as she raked her fingers through her messy brown hair. She was scared and angry. Not only was she angry at herself, but she was also angry at her daughter. Serena couldn't stop thinking about how selfish Olivia was, and how she was fine with leaving Aiden, Elliot, and herself behind.

"I cannot believe you, Olivia. You were the only parent at home with Aiden, and you decided to swallow a ton of pills. You have barely started your life, and you wanted to end it? I get you are going through some things, but get over yourself," Serena spat.

Olivia rolled her eyes just like her mother did before staring at the blank white wall ahead of her bed.

"Get over myself? I'm depressed and anxious. Not only was the last several weeks of my pregnancy incredibly stressful, but the weeks after have been as well. Stephanie and I got into a fight and you picked her side. Kathy is pregnant and Elliot will probably leave me to be with her, and my doctor diagnosed me with PPD, which just piles onto my usual depression and anxiety. I tried to get over it, but I wasn't fast enough. Why don't you just leave? Go back to your new daughter," Olivia spat.