Sweet and Salty ~ Carl Grimes

Bereaved - 059

 For the trigger warnings summary, go to the bottom of the chapter!!

"If you wanna see Beth and Maggie again, pass me your gun." The words left Brooks' lips a little too easily for her own liking, but nevertheless, Hershel handed over his gun. Brooks didn't meet anyone's eyes, as she walked back over to Lizzie. She could hear the young girl humming, but she didn't recognise the tune. It was upbeat though, something happy that reflected Lizzie's joy as she believed she was finally getting what she wants. Brooks' hands shook with the gun in them, guilt ate her up before she even did it... But, she knew what had to be done.

Lizzie wasn't looking, just staring at her sister, waiting for the transformation. Without a word or a silent prayer, Brooks lifted her arm. She let two seconds pass. Though seconds, they went by as slowly as years. The first second, Brooks used to consider any outcomes where she didn't kill Lizzie, and let her continue on this journey... None of them ended well. The second, Brooks pictured the disappointment on everybody's face, disappointment as she turned out to be just like Will.

And, with that, she pulled the trigger.
Twice.
Once for Lizzie.
Once for Mika.

53 walkers.
4 people.

Brooks gasped awake on the rug that Lizzie and Mika had slept on the night before. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but that's just how it happened. The group spent the day at the cottage, because the shed had a couple of shovels, so Brooks and Sebastian spent all day digging the two graves and fighting off walkers who'd been attracted to the shots. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, it was an accident. 

So, to prevent it happening again, she stood up and walked over to the door. She stood against it for a while, not wanting to sit. Brooks hadn't killed many walkers, so it was easy for her to keep track... The same with people. Brooks wouldn't have counted Mika in with her toll, if it wasn't for Lizzie's confession. The way Lizzie spoke... She pushed in that knife, but Brooks felt like she was still the cause of the thirteen year old's death.

She fiddled with the blade in her hands, now clean from Mika's blood. Her mother gave her that knife not long ago, and now it had already killed an innocent child. It didn't matter how many walkers that knife saved her from, it would always be stained with Mika's memory. Mika's blood red memory.

/----------\

The next day, the group of four were walking through the forest. Hershel had managed to find better shoes, but just for Sebastian and Mrs Kingston... Who was even slower than usual, considering she spent the whole day previous sitting around, acting as if she was knitting. Hallucinations, again. Her left arm was around Brooks' shoulders, and her right hand was in Sebastian's hand as the two kids helped her walk.

Sebastian had a bag on his back, and new clothes on. One of the people who lived in that cottage previously, was a boy his age. So, he took the boy's old backpack and some clothes... Well, he didn't want too. He just said 'I ain't gonna need them, no point in stealin', won't do no good', but Brooks made him take them anyways.

Hershel was up ahead, but he wasn't walking very fast, not trying to get separated from his group. Brooks had his gun now, tucked into her belt beside her knife, but it now only had three bullets left. Brooks looked over to Sebastian who'd barely said three words since Mika and Lizzie died the day prior, she decided to check on her friend.

"You okay, wife?" She asked, he was a little bit ahead of her and Mrs Kingston. So, he turned back to face her, giving her a simple tight lip smile before looking back ahead. "Are you upset with how I handled it?"

"No." Sebastian quickly answered, slowing a bit. "I just wish I could've... Helped, somehow. I mean, how am I really benefitting this group, Brooks? I'm useless. I'm older than you, but yet I let you walk over there and blow that girl's brains out. I'm just a burden."