Emma's Mate (Book 1)

Chapter 7 ✔️

Emma Smith

Three years later.

As I was rearranging the books that had been returned today at the library, someone tapped me on the shoulder.

Startled, I jumped. Ever since I left my pack, I've been on edge about everything. My heart raced, and I felt a cold prickle of anxiety crawl up my spine.

"Did I scare you?" Henry asked, his expression serious but soft.

"Yeah," I confessed, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over me. I hated that I was so easily startled now, a constant reminder of how unsettled my life had become.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, his voice gentle.

I nodded, trying to shake off the unease, and went back to my work. I could sense his hesitation behind me, his presence lingering like a shadow. After a moment, he finally asked, "So, it's almost lunchtime. Would you like to grab something to eat?"

"No, Henry," I replied, not looking up. "I have a lot of work to finish." My voice was firmer than I intended, but I couldn't afford distractions, not when my mind was already a whirlwind of regrets.

He sighed, standing there for a moment longer before eventually leaving me with the books. I felt a pang of guilt watching him go, but I pushed it aside. I couldn't let myself be drawn into his kindness; I didn't deserve it.

Henry Johnson is the son of the library owner where I work. He's just a year older than me.

You're probably wondering how I ended up with this job, how I met him, and all that.

Three years ago, when I left my pack, I had only a few clothes, a pair of shoes, some everyday essentials, and some money I'd saved from working at a café after school. It's not that I didn't have more belongings; I did. But I didn't know where I was going, so I brought only the basics. The uncertainty gnawed at me, a constant reminder that I had no plan, no destination.

I arrived at the airport without a specific flight in mind. The bright lights and endless chatter were overwhelming, a stark contrast to the quiet of my old life. Fortunately, I had always wanted to visit New York City, and there happened to be a flight with available seats. I didn't want to risk being found, especially by my parents, whom I had begged not to search for me. Despite my note, I knew they would try. I doubted Ashton would come looking for me after what I did to him.

I decided to live as a human among humans. After rejecting Ashton, my wolf left me and never returned. No matter how many times I called out to her, she never came back. It was as if I had never had a wolf at all. A part of me had been ripped away, leaving behind an emptiness I couldn't fill.

When I arrived in New York, I felt completely lost. The city was a vast, intimidating maze of strangers and noise. I had never been to this city before and didn't know a single soul here. I found myself sitting in an airport chair, the world around me moving in a blur, unsure of my next move. My hands trembled slightly, a symptom of my isolation and fear.

I was quietly sobbing to myself when Hudson Johnson, Henry's father, noticed me. His eyes were kind, filled with concern rather than judgment. I will always be grateful for his kindness in choosing to help me during a difficult time without becoming suspicious. His presence felt like a lifeline, something solid in a world that suddenly seemed so uncertain.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth-that I was a werewolf and the real reason I had left my pack. Instead, I fabricated a story about something bad I'd done, keeping my true nature a secret. He kindly offered to help by speaking to my parents on my behalf, but I politely declined, fear knotting in my stomach at the thought of facing them again.

At first, he was skeptical, but he didn't see me as a bad person. It was a relief to know he didn't view me as a threat. Maybe he saw something in me that reassured him I wasn't dangerous, something that even I couldn't see in myself. He generously offered me a place to stay in his apartment and a job at his library until I could stand on my own two feet.

I am grateful for his understanding and support during such a difficult time. Without him, I'm not sure where I'd be.

I've been working at this library for three years now, and I really enjoy it here. The smell of old books and the quiet hum of the library make me feel safe, almost as if I've found a new pack. I've always been a bookworm, spending most of my time in the school and pack library back home. Being here somehow makes me feel closer to my old life, as if I'm holding onto a piece of it.

I miss my parents, Ashton, Abigail, the alpha and luna, my pack, and my room, which was my safe haven. I can't fully express how much I miss everything and everyone. The loneliness is a constant companion, a dull ache that never quite goes away.

They most likely resent me now, though my parents may not feel the same. They're definitely disappointed in me, though. I can feel it in every fiber of my being, the weight of their unspoken words and the loss of their trust.

There's no going back now. They'll never forgive me. Ashton probably has a girlfriend now or maybe he's settled down and found someone else to be with. The thought twists my heart, but I push it away. I have no right to feel anything about his choices.

And what about me? I can't imagine myself falling in love or getting married. I had always waited for my soulmate, but that chapter is now closed. I've closed off that possibility for myself and have no intention of pursuing any romantic relationships. The idea of finding happiness feels like a distant dream, something that isn't meant for me anymore.

I currently live in a small rented apartment. When I first started working at this library, I was just an employee. Now, I'm the assistant librarian, all thanks to Mr. Hudson for giving me this opportunity. This small accomplishment feels hollow, a tiny spark in an otherwise dark existence.

Henry kept me company while I stayed at his apartment. If you were to ask if we're close, I'd say no, at least not from my perspective. We were good friends, but not anymore. I think Henry enjoys my company, though. He often comes by, pretending to check on how things are going at work, but then lingers around me and leaves if I don't agree to go out with him or something.

Actually, I wasn't the first one to figure it out. Stacy, who also works here, told me that Henry has a crush on me. Ever since I found out, I've been avoiding him because I don't want to give him the wrong idea. We haven't talked about it directly. I can't bear the thought of hurting him, too, of adding another person to the list of those I've let down.

I could say I'm just living my life, going with the flow. But if you were to ask if I'm happy, the answer would be no. I feel empty.

I don't think I'll ever find happiness again in this lifetime. I have to accept this void that I feel. One impulsive decision changed my life completely, but I've come to terms with it now. Or at least, I'm trying to. The pain is a constant reminder of what I lost, of what I threw away.

Emma Smith, once the pride and joy of her parents and a loving friend to Ashton and Abigail, now feels like nothing more than an empty shell.

This is what my life has come to. I forced a smile, trying to lift my spirits, but tears silently flowed down my face. I sighed, realizing I had no choice but to embrace the consequences of my actions, consequences that resulted from a thoughtless mistake. The weight of my choices presses down on me, a burden I carry every day, with no end in sight.

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