Moving Forward

Realization

It'd been a couple days since the party fiasco and things were oddly quiet.  I hadn't heard from Rin at all.  I figured he was trying to keep his distance but he's always come to me before when the shit hits the fan.  It's better for me anyway, I don't know what I would possibly say.

We were in the kitchen making dinner, well I was making dinner and Makoto was trying to help which meant I had to tell him everything to do so it didn't get messed up.  It seemed like there was an echo in the apartment when the doorbell rang.  We both stopped what we were doing immediately.  Makoto smiled at me, "I'll get it."

I heard him answer the door but I couldn't see what was going on.  Makoto sounded completely surprised, "R-Rin?"

There was a long silence and I could only imagine what was going on.  I bet Rin was crying.  And I think I was right because I hear quiet sobs and Rin wailing, "I was so stupid...  Why didn't I realize what he was like?"

"Now now Rin," Makoto, always trying to be the nice guy.

"I didn't want to come cry on Sousuke's shoulder," Rin was right, I wouldn't be a good shoulder to cry on.  "Because I was wrong to do what I did to him, I shouldn't have used him like that, especially when I knew he felt that way."

He knew?  There was always a doubt in my mind that maybe he didn't know how I strongly I felt, that if he thought it was just something minor, he could still do that.  But he knew.  How strongly and everything, and he still used me.  I started chopping the vegetables I was preparing faster.  But Rin kept talking, "It would be so wrong of me to keep asking him to let me depend on him.  I just want him to let me back into his life."

My hands stopped, I froze.  Did he mean that?  Did he actually feel that bad and didn't want to keep hurting me?  Now I feel bad.  I never gave Rin enough credit, he's not as selfish the way Haru is.

"Rin..."  It sounded like Makoto didn't know what to say.  I wondered if he wondered where I was.  But at this point it would be strange for me to just appear and say I heard what they were saying.  So I stayed in the kitchen.

"Makoto... why are..." Rin must've wondered why it was Makoto to whom he was talking to.  Since we didn't really see him since the whole ordeal in summer, we never told him that we had started dating.  Rin finished his question, "Why are you here?"

"Me?"  Makoto sounded nervous, "Well I... I've been staying here since I moved out of Haru's and my apartment in summer."

This felt wrong.  That made Makoto sound like a guest.  But he was living here, he was dating me.  What the fuck is he saying?  I'll just try to believe that he's sparing Rin's feelings.  But now things are quiet.  Too quiet.  I finally leave the kitchen and walk into an empty hall.  What the hell?  Makoto just left too?