Rani doesn't pace. Usually, she sits and thinks, and - yes she'll admit it - she tends to brood, but she doesn't pace.
Today she is. The thirteen steps between one wall of Nikolai's office and the other. Back and forth.
The fear has worn off now but the anger... That comes and goes.
She trusted him. She told herself not to, told herself it would get her hurt, but she's still here, still waiting for answers.
Where else could she go?
That's a sad thought.
She doesn't want to go.
That's a terrifying thought.
It's not so much that she doesn't want to leave him, that's still being determined. She wants him to look her in the eyes when he explains. Wants to see him, see if he tries to lie. She won't run from this.
She's run from so much. From her past, from her country, from the demon.
The demon who was truly the King of Ravka. He attacked her, left her stranded on that roof, bleeding and broken only to come back and promise she was safe.
Andddd there's the anger again.
The knife hasn't left her hand but now it hisses through the air. The blade sinks into the mahogany shelf that holds a row of books. The whole shelf quivers with the same anger shaking Rani's hands. She yanks it back, stalking to the other side of the room and aiming again.
"Try not to hit any of the books."
Rani grits her teeth against the bitter words piling up in her throat. The pressure of Nikolai's gaze is skittering across her already strung-out nerves, making the tip of the knife weave in the air.
"I don't miss."
The knife flies again.
"You want an explanation," Nikolai's tone is inscrutable.
"No, people regularly turn into demons near me." Rani pulls the blade from the wood, leaving a new notch only inches from the first. "This is just another day."
"I couldn't have told you." The words are soft but there's no pleading, only truth.
"I know." Rani turns the knife over in her hand, running a finger absently across the blade. "I am not someone to trust, that has been made very clear. Yet I was saved, I was brought here."
She can hear the anger shaking through her voice. The rage and fear clashing together is enough to make her head spin, it's unmistakable in the glare she fixes on Nikolai, "Is this how you torture people in Ravka? Torment them then save them. Make them fight for their life after the promise of safety."
Keeping her eyes locked on Nikolai, she tosses the knife. It skitters carelessly beneath one of the chairs.
"If you intended to kill me, do it. I'm tired of the charade."
Nikolai studies his hands as if they are not his own, as if he can still see the veins of black pulsing beneath his skin.
"My whole life is a charade. It was before this thing," There's a bite to the word, "and now there is more and more to hide. I am a construct for this country, nothing more, that is my life. Yours at least, was something I could offer without pretense and you ask if I am trying to kill you. When I could finally make up for something this foul thing has done?"
"That thing almost killed you, I almost killed you. I wasn't going to let it win, to let it steal another part of my humanity. I couldn't leave you there in the snow any more than I could stop the monster from almost killing you on that train." His voice breaks as he looks up, "I can not let you die"
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heartless | nikolai lantsov
Fanfiction"You enjoy knowing someone in your palace would as soon have a knife to your throat as help you?" "Oh, I count on it, keeps my wits sharp." \\ Kidnapping the King of Ravka was easy. Until it wasn't. When her plan goes awry, Rani is given two choi...
