Bound by Christmas

Chapter Ten: (Sebastián) Fired

How many times can one man receive a blow before he is completely destroyed? Because I was coming close to being utterly annihilated.

"Rojo." That one word whispered through Jenna's lips hit me like a boulder. I felt the crushing weight of it on my chest. Struggling to breathe, I released Jenna and took a step back.

She used her safe word. I did that. I was to blame for the loss of her trust in me. It was all on my shoulders. Not hers. Never hers.

I couldn't even find the strength to make eye contact with her. What kind of fucking Dominant was I? Obviously, I was a terrible one if I caused my submissive to use her safe word —and to do it outside of a scene.

I opened my mouth, trying to find my voice. "I'm sorry." I assumed I had expressed the words, but I couldn't be positive that any sound actually came out of my mouth.

Unable to witness the pain in her eyes, I quickly turned away and rushed out of her apartment. Once I was inside the elevator, memories flashed in my mind, warring in my head. Recalling our earlier conversations, I tried to filter through everything we had ever discussed. I tried to understand when I had completely screwed up.

Eleven Months and Two Weeks Ago

I stared at the red-headed beauty —tucked in tightly next to me inside the dark booth— trying not to fall into the temptation of dominating her. I was dangerously close to falling for her pleading eyes, as she begged me to reconsider my position.

"I know what I want, Sebastián...uhh I mean sir," she fumbled over her words, highlighting her innocence. "I've been doing my research. I know you can satisfy me."

I shook my head. "That's not what I'm worried about, Jenna. I'm not a teacher. That's not what I signed up for."

Not again. Never again would I want to be responsible for introducing someone to the lifestyle. Not after what happened with my ex-girlfriend, Aracely. I could still hear her crying in the bathroom, disgusted and ashamed with what we had done. Revolted by me and my nature.

As I watched Jenna, I knew I couldn't tolerate having a precious, delicate woman like her look at me with revulsion.

Jenna's fingers lightly caressed my arm before she quickly pulled away, looking unsure if I welcomed her touch. She had nothing to worry about. My cock was already straining against my pants. My balls ached with need. Fuck! Was I really going to accept her request?

"Are you only interested in sexual role play or are you interested in something more?" I asked, despite my reservations.

"More?"

"Yes, the options are almost endless. Some couples are involved romantically —either with each other or others. Some couples adopt it as a lifestyle and maintain their roles throughout the day."

Jenna's eyes widened with surprise. "But...what about work?"

"Even at work," I clarified, reaching out and lightly stroking her neck with my hand. "If we ever adopted the Master and slave lifestyle, you would wear my collar around your neck every single day...every single second."

"Oh," she cleared her throat, fluttering her lashes. "Can we maybe start off slow? I'd like to try the role play first."

I pulled my hand away and nodded, knowing I was already frightening her. "Yes, that's what I would recommend for a novice. You're going to want to ease your way into it."

"So, you'll do it," she exclaimed with the brightest smile I had ever seen, blinding me with beauty. "You'll accept me as your submissive."

"I never said that."

"Please," she begged, grabbing my forearm, no longer afraid of touching me.

I gripped the tumbler in my hand so tightly I was surprised the glass didn't shatter. Raising the whiskey to my lips, I swallowed it down entirely, relishing the burn it left behind. Jenna leaned in closer, pleading with me with those stunning eyes. I could feel her breath on my neck, causing a shudder to run through my body. Fuck! I was a weak man. She was going to make me break my own rules.

"Sebastián, I know you feel the connection. Don't you?" she asked, pulling away with a hurt expression.

Fuck! I had to fix that look. I couldn't stand to see the wounded expression on her lovely face.

Slowly, hesitantly, I nodded. "If we do this, we have to be careful. Do you know the four pillars of a BDSM relationship?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Trust, communication, respect and honesty."

"Good girl," I whispered as I leaned in and succumbed to the temptation of her lips, kissing her, doing my best to take her breath away.

I jolted out of my flashback when the elevator came to a halt. Unfortunately, I had epically screwed up the communication aspect of our relationship. And, now, I had also lost Jenna's trust.

As I stepped out of the elevator and made my way onto the street, I was lost in my head. Why didn't I try to have more effective communication with Jenna? Why didn't I ask her if she wanted more? Was it because I was afraid of her answer? Was I afraid of losing her?

I could still recall the first time she had called me Master. It was only three months after we had started seeing each other, and I was ecstatic. I couldn't hide the hope in my voice when I asked her what it meant for her. "Are you using that term interchangeably with Sir, or are you interested in being my slave?" I felt her body stiffen with panic at my question. "Oh no, I was using it interchangeably. I like calling you that," she'd said. I'd simply nodded at her response and never brought it up again.

Looking out into the dark street, I spotted Felix waving at me as he stood by the SUV. I made my way toward him and reached for the car door.

"Am I fired, Mr. Islas?" he asked nervously, stopping me from getting into the car.

"No, Felix," I muttered. "I am."