Bound by Christmas

Chapter Twenty-Two: Always

I watched as two squirrels viciously fought over a small bag of chips. I didn't know whether to laugh or run for my life, fearing that they would turn that energy on me.

For the first time in a long time, I was eating lunch by myself. It was the Friday before Spring Break and the campus was eerily quiet. The two ruthless squirrels were my only companions as I sat at a picnic table in the quad area, munching on some cheese and crackers. Deciding to find another form of entertainment, I reached for my earbuds from my bag and pulled up Sebastián's telenovela. I was almost finished with the season, and I was proud of myself for watching romantic scenes between Sebastián and Barbara without feeling jealous or insecure.

I had been seeing a therapist for almost three months, working on my self-esteem. I wanted to feel worthy of love and commitment, so I'd decided to stop dwelling on past regrets and move forward. Sebastián's work was important to him and I knew that, if I wanted to have a future with him, I had to be comfortable with his on-screen moments of intimacy. The truth was, I would likely always feel some discomfort watching him with other women —even if it was simply a part of his job. But, I didn't want that to drive a wedge in our relationship. So, I was working on creating a list of my boundaries before I became romantically involved with him again.

I was halfway through the episode when my phone buzzed with a message. Pausing the show, I pulled open the text and read it.

Sara: Hey girl! You're invited to my house tomorrow night. I'm making seafood boil. Bring a date!!!

Shaking my head, I closed Sara's message.

For the last few weeks, she'd been insisting that I needed to start dating again. "It doesn't have to be with Sebastián, but you won't overcome your fears without making yourself vulnerable again. I'm just worried you're isolating yourself to avoid getting hurt. You shouldn't use therapy as an excuse to avoid relationships. You can still date while going to therapy. Many people do," she'd advised. Was she right?

I had wanted to build my self-confidence before I allowed Sebastián back into my life. But, was that realistic? I was proud of how much I had discovered about myself, but I wouldn't know if I could have a secure relationship with Sebastián unless I actually attempted it.

With a deep breath, I opened my contacts list, found his name, and dialed the number. After the first ring, he answered my call.

"Jenna," Sebastián's gruff voice rumbled through my phone.

"Hi Sebastian," I greeted. "How are you?"

"Hanging in there, Jenna. Missing you."

Clearing my throat, I rubbed my arm trying to tamper the goosebumps that broke out all over my skin. I hadn't spoken to him in three months and his deep voice alone caused a shiver to run through my body.

"I've been watching your show," I admitted. "Congratulations, Sebastián. Your performance is incredible. I have to constantly remind myself that it's all make-believe."

"Thank you, mi...Jenna. It means a lot. I wasn't expecting the amount of praise the show has received, but I'm grateful. My agent has been thrilled with the number of calls he's getting for future projects."

Was he about to call me his alma? He hadn't used the term of endearment with me in a long time and I missed it. But, I knew it was entirely my fault that he was reluctant to do so.

"I'm so happy for you." I said, trying to sound cheerful. "You deserve it."

"I appreciate it. Umm," he paused and cleared his throat. "How have you been?"

"Good...I'm still going to therapy. I'm really happy with it. My therapist has been very helpful and supportive."

"I'm happy to hear that. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk through anything."

"Well, actually, I've been visiting the Vault during some of my free time," I confessed.

"You have?"

"Yes, I haven't participated in anything but I've been watching. I like seeing the dynamics of other D/s couples."

"Do you have any questions about what you've seen? I'd love to answer them for you. Or, if it would be more comfortable for you, we can meet with Roxanne again," he suggested.

"Maybe," I said hesitantly. "I'll think about it. I actually do have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"For you? Always," he answered, firmly. "I'm always free for you, Jenna."

At that, I smiled brightly —even though he couldn't see me.