Bound by Christmas

Chapter Twenty-Four: (Sebastián) When?

I pulled Jenna closer, fearing she would find a reason to push me away. I still had flashbacks of our conversation at the airport in Mexico, and I couldn't go through it again. At the time, I respected her request for space and didn't try to talk her out of it. But, if she was going to use this conversation as an excuse to end us for good, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from actually denying her something. I didn't want to lose her.

I needed Jenna in my life. Over the last three months, I realized how much I craved her. During our year together, I contented myself with our playtime and seeing her for brief moments. But, I was always left with a yearning for more. When she cut me off completely, the yearning grew into a feeling of desperation and emptiness. I was incomplete without her.

I understood Jenna when she said she didn't want to become codependent because I could easily become dependent on her. I had a strong need to be with her, but I was very aware that I wasn't easy to be with. I learned that lesson with Aracely, and I still feared pushing Jenna past her limits. I knew that she needed to do some self-discovery and figure out what she wanted out of life and her relationships. I wanted her to feel confident in choosing a relationship with me, so I backed off. But, it wasn't easy. And, I didn't want to do it again.

I watched as Jenna gathered her courage to list her boundaries, and I prepared myself for whatever she would require. Whatever it was, I would grant it to her.

"Okay, Sebastián. My first condition is exclusivity," Jenna announced. "I want to be the only woman who you are romantically involved with. If you can't agree to that, we'll stop this conversation right here."

"Done," I answered without hesitation. "You're the only woman I want to be with, Jenna."

Jenna blew out a breath and nodded. "Sebastián, that also includes publicity stunts and work events. I won't be able to accept it if you'd still like to escort co-stars to events in order to promote your projects."

"I understand, Jenna. I've already spoken with my agent. He knows not to ask me to pull any more PR stunts. I'm officially off the market, and it's only fair for my fans to know it. I want you to be the one on my arm at all my events. And, whenever you're comfortable with attending them with me, we can discuss it some more."

"Not yet. But when I do feel comfortable with that, I'll let you know."

"Okay," I agreed. "Anything else?"

"Yes," she said, biting her lip, distracting me from my focus. I missed those lips so much. I was counting down the minutes to when she would allow me to kiss her again.

"Sebastián," Jenna snapped, regaining my attention.

"Sorry, Jenna. What did you say? Your lips distracted me for a moment."

"Sebastián, this is serious. I really need to know if we can work through this."

"I know. I promise I'm taking this very seriously. Please, go on. What's your next condition?"

"Well, I told you that I watched your telenovela. I'm really proud of you and I want to be there to support you with your work. But...watching your intimate scenes with Barbara was very difficult," she admitted.

"What is it that you need, Jenna? What would make you more comfortable? Would you like me to reject any offers for romantic lead roles?"

"No Sebastián," she shook her head. "That's not what I want. I would never stop you from doing what you love. I just have some boundaries."

"Okay...like what?"

"No tongue," she blurted. "I don't want you to use any tongue during the kissing scenes. And, I don't want you to caress your co-stars below the neck for the sex scenes. I know you're acting and it's not real, but I want to keep those things for myself. I don't want to be territorial or possessive, Sebastián, but I don't want to think of another person being that physically familiar with you."

"Okay, that's fair. You have a right to be a little possessive or territorial, Jenna. It's your natural instinct to protect your relationship. I couldn't handle another man touching you, so you're being very generous with your offer. But, if you ever become uncomfortable with those concessions, then I want you to let me know immediately."

"I will...Sebastián, I also want you to be careful with putting yourself in tempting situations. You're required to work with some of the most attractive people in the world, and things can easily escalate or..."

"Stop right there, Jenna," I interjected. "I don't care how attractive someone is perceived to be. I have never —not since I've met you— been tempted by anyone else."

"Very well, I'll concede to that. But you have placed yourself in misleading situations, and you did allow reporters to misconstrue the reality of the circumstances. You've also allowed your actions to give the wrong impression. By buying gifts for other women, you might have accidentally led them on."

"Are you suggesting I stop buying gifts for the cast members?" I questioned, genuinely curious. Jenna was a kind hearted and generous person. I thought that she would understand why I had wanted to adopt the practice of handing out wrap gifts.

"It's not that," she huffed, curtly. "That's not what I meant. I think that you were being very thoughtful with the wrap gifts, but maybe you can have them delivered on behalf of the production company. Or, if you're interested, instead of buying gifts you can negotiate a portion of your salary to be paid to your co-stars. Sebastián, buying women fine jewelry when you have a significant other is not appropriate."

Blowing out a breath, I nodded. "You're right. I don't want to stop giving to the cast members, but I'll figure out some way to do it without giving anyone the wrong impression. It won't be fair to you or them."

"Okay, I have two more conditions," Jenna said, hesitantly.

"Jenna, you can have two hundred more conditions and I'll listen to every single one. Please don't feel the need to be so cautious. I want to work this out with you."

"I don't want you to keep any more secrets from me. Sebastián, I was so hurt when Felix told me you had purchased that necklace for your date. Not only did I have to discover that you were buying lavish gifts for someone else and escorting them to big events, but I had to find out through someone else. It really broke me."

I reached for her and cupped her cheek with my hand. "I'm sorry, Jenna. Please forgive me."

"No more secrets?"

"I promise. No more secrets," I vowed, caressing the apple of her cheek with my thumb.

With a small nod, she lowered my hand from her face. "Okay, my last condition is that we wait to have sex."

"For how long?"

"I'm not sure. A few weeks...or a few months. I just think we should work on our emotional connection before we start partaking in physical intimacy again."

That sounded like torture. I had a strong sexual appetite and I only wanted to quench it with Jenna. I hadn't been intimate with her for four months and it was killing me. I took immense pleasure in dominating Jenna, and I was starting to feel like an addict without his fix. My sexuality was a part of my nature, and I had found my ideal partner in Jenna. Being around her without partaking in sex, would be like holding a flame close to lighter fluid and not expecting it to combust. But, I knew that I had to live with it. I had to accept her condition if I wanted to have her in my life.

"So, you want to do the opposite of what we initially did?" I asked.

"Yes, exactly," she confirmed.

"Alright, I have one condition myself."

"What is it?"

"I want us to practice open and honest communication. I want to have alone time with you with no distractions or interruptions, so we can discuss our relationship. I don't want you to hesitate to communicate whenever you change your mind or preferences about something. And, I'd like for us to continue seeing Roxanne or a therapist to help us navigate through our new relationship."

"I think that's a good idea, Sebastián. Anything else?"

"Yes...when?"

"When?" she asked, confused. "When, what?"

I scooted to the edge of my seat and leaned in closer. "When can I take you out again?"