Bound by Christmas

Chapter Fifteen: Trust

"How do I look?" Sara asked as she stepped out of the fitting room.

I looked over the black babydoll dress she wore with its sheer sleeves and smiled. "I love it."

Sara's brows furrowed as she regarded the dress. "Are you sure? It doesn't really look like something a Domme would wear."

"I know," I agreed. "That's why I love it. Ari will be stunned speechless."

"Well, I don't necessarily want him to be speechless since we have some important things to discuss."

"Important things?" I questioned. "I thought you said it was just a date."

"No," she grumbled, shaking her head. "I want to discuss renegotiating our terms."

Renegotiating? There was that term again. I hadn't been able to think of anything else since Sebastián had confessed it was time for us to renegotiate. I had tossed and turned all night long with my mind full of questions and worries. During a negotiation, a Dominant and submissive discussed what type of relationship they wanted and their personal limits and interests. Sebastián and I hadn't renegotiated our terms since we'd first met.

Why hadn't I brought it up with him? Why had it completely slipped my mind? I could have used a renegotiation as an opportunity to ask for a more serious relationship.

"You're thinking of renegotiating with Ari?" I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice. "You've only been seeing him for a few months."

"I know," she huffed. "It's just...I invited him over for a movie date last night and —fifteen minutes into the movie— he asked me when we're going to start playing. I don't want someone who only wants to be with me when he's in the mood to satisfy his kinks. I want more than that. I am more than just a Domme. I'm a human being with emotions and feelings, and I want a real relationship with someone who is capable of loving me. I don't want to wait until I'm in the same situation as you, Jenna. No offense."

"You're right," I nodded, trying not to cringe at her reference to my situation with Sebastián. "If you want more with Ari, then you should be open and honest with him. I wasn't forthcoming about my feelings and I'm the one who ended up hurt because of it."

"Are you forthcoming with your feelings now?" Sara asked cautiously.

"What?"

"Well, I don't know what you discussed with Sebastián and Roxanne last night, but I don't think you're being open and honest with him or yourself. You're pushing him away with one hand and pulling him back with the other. I know he's made a lot of mistakes and his actions have hurt you, but you shouldn't be giving him mixed signals. You also have the power to hurt him, Jenna."

"You're right," I admitted with a sigh. "I promise to think about what I want. I've straddled the fence long enough and it's time to make a decision."

"Good," she replied and turned to walk back into the fitting room.

Thankfully, Sara didn't mention anything else about my relationship with Sebastián as she wrapped up her shopping trip and we grabbed some lunch before heading back to work. My mind was already in a constant state of turmoil, and I didn't need Sara's chastising words tormenting my thoughts.

Once I got back to work, I couldn't stop my internal conflict from tearing me apart. I spent the rest of my day trying to convince myself that I didn't want to be with Sebastián, but I continued to stare at my phone every two minutes hoping to see a message from him.

When it was finally time to clock out, I breathed a sigh of relief and rushed out of my office. As I walked through the dark campus, I felt a nervous chill spread through my body. I had an odd sensation that I was in danger. I quickened my steps as I turned around the corner toward the employee parking lot, but I came to an abrupt halt when I realized I was merely a few feet away from a pack of coyotes.

The campus security's office had mentioned that coyotes had been spotted roaming around the campus at night, but I hadn't bumped into any before. Staring at the wild creatures, I managed to find the courage to not show my fear hoping it would dissuade them from attacking me. After what seemed like hours, the coyotes raised their heads and walked past me. Once I was out of their sight, I scurried toward the parking lot.

My body was shaking from fright as I made my way to my car. When I noticed Sebastián standing by my driver's side door, I stopped my progress. My shoulders sagged with relief as I realized Sebastián's presence meant I was safe from any danger. No matter what happened between us, I knew Sebastián would always protect me —at least from any outside danger. He obviously hadn't protected me from his own actions.

As I approached him, Sebastián watched me with concern. "What's wrong?" he blurted, stepping closer to me. "Why are you shivering?"

I shook my head slightly. "It's nothing. Why are you here?"

"Jenna, don't lie to me," he chided, reaching his hand out to caress my arm. "What scared you?"

"It's not a big deal," I mumbled. "I just came across some coyotes and got scared."

"Coyotes? Did you try hazing them?"

"No. Thankfully, I didn't have to. They were not very aggressive toward me."

Sebastián nodded but looked deep in thought.

"Sebastián, why are you here?" I asked for the second time.

"I wanted to invite you out," he shrugged, his cheeks blushing slightly. "But, I can see you're not in the mood for that at the moment."

"Sorry, I really just want to go home."

Sebastián nodded, grabbed my hand, and walked me toward the passenger door of my car. "Come on, Jenna. I'll take you home."

"But, what about your car?"

"I had Felix drop me off."

I didn't say anything else as I got into the car and watched Sebastián make his way to the driver's seat. I sat silently as he adjusted his seat, started the car, and drove me home. I didn't want to start a conversation since I didn't know what to say. Even after spending the entire day thinking about him, I was still torn about what to do. When he pulled into my apartment building's garage and parked my car, I finally broke the silence.

"Thank you for the ride," I said, opening the door and exiting the car.

Sebastián followed after me. "I'm coming inside, Jenna."

I turned and scowled at him. "What? Why?"

"I want to make sure you're okay. Ten minutes ago, you were trembling with fear."

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I walked toward the elevator and we made our way up to my floor. The moment we stepped inside my apartment, Sebastián made a beeline for the kitchen and started to look through my cupboards.

"What are you doing Sebastián?" I huffed impatiently.

"Where do you keep your tea? I want to make you some."

"In the cupboard above the coffee maker," I called out, giving up on the idea of him leaving anytime soon.

As Sebastián made me some tea, I dropped my bag onto the armchair and removed my coat. Then, I slipped off my shoes and made myself comfortable under a blanket I kept on my sofa. Turning on the TV, I played an episode of my favorite nanny.

A few minutes later, Sebastián approached me with a cup of tea and placed it on the coffee table. He sat down at the other end of the sofa and lifted my legs onto his lap. His gaze didn't move away from my face as he started to massage my feet.

I sat as still as a statue, unsure of how to react to his ministrations.

"I don't know how but I will win back your trust, Jenna," he muttered under his breath.