Bound by Christmas

Chapter Twenty-Three: Conditions

"It's no sin to get my sauce on your chin," I read the phrase on Ari's apron and burst out laughing.

Ari gave me a flirty smile and a wink, as he handed me a beer. "It's a gift from Sara. I would've worn the one that says, 'I like my butt rubbed and my pork pulled,' but I wanted to save it for when I'm making pulled pork."

"Good idea," I snorted through my laughter.

Sebastián shook his head and grabbed his own beer from Ari. "Are you sure you guys don't need any help?" he asked.

"We're good," Ari replied. "Sara is finishing up with the final touches so we'll be ready to eat soon."

As Sebastián and Ari started to discuss a hockey game that was supposed to start in a few hours, Sara walked out of the kitchen wearing an apron with a different phrase on hers. 'Kiss the cook and bring her wine' was printed on her apron in big and bold letters.

"Ari," Sara called out, interrupting their conversation about some player's stats. "The food is ready. Can you please bring it out to the table?"

Ari nodded and walked over to her, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "I always do what I'm told," he whispered and walked into the kitchen.

Fanning my face with my hand, I smiled at Sara. "Whew, it's getting hot in here."

"Oh, shut up," she laughed. Then, she escorted us to the table.

When Ari placed the food on the table, my stomach growled with anticipation. So, I started to dig in as the men joked about who would eat the most. I grabbed a crab cluster and pulled on one of the legs, but it slipped out of my fingers and flew across the table smacking Ari in the face. Holding my breath, I stared at him open-mouthed as Sara and Sebastián started howling with laughter.

"Well," Ari said, clearing his throat and reaching for a napkin. "I wasn't expecting to end up with sauce on my own chin."

"Oh my God," I breathed. "I'm so sorry. I let it slip through my fingers."

"Don't worry about it," he chuckled and went right back to his food.

I turned to face Sara, who was still laughing at the incident, and shrugged my shoulders.

Once she sobered up, she leaned in toward me. "I'm happy you're putting yourself out there again, Jenna."

"I'm trying," I whispered, looking at Sebastián as he took a swallow from his beer. My eyes focused on his mouth as he put the bottle down and licked his lips. I missed those lips. I craved his kisses, but I knew I had to proceed with caution. Shaking myself out of fantasizing about Sebastián's kissing skills, I turned my attention back to my food.

Later that evening, Sebastián drove me home after we'd finished watching the game. We had stayed at Sara's place longer than I'd originally planned, but Ari and Sebastián had found a common interest in hockey and were enjoying themselves. I didn't want to put an end to their fun. So, I joined them and became a bandwagon Kings fan.

As Sebastián pulled into a parking space in front of my building, I cleared my throat and faced him.

"Would you like to come up?" I asked. "I think we should talk."

"Yeah," he nodded and exited the car.

Opening my door, he helped me out of the passenger seat. And, quietly, we made our way to my apartment. Once we were in my living room, I made myself comfortable on the sofa and Sebastián took a seat in the armchair.

"Thank you for inviting me today, Jenna," he said, running his hand through his hair.

"Of course, I had a lot of fun."

"Jenna...I don't want to get my hopes up. But, does this mean you'd like to start seeing me again?"

I stared at his hopeful eyes and couldn't stop the overwhelming feeling of guilt that engulfed me. In the past few months, I really had to consider how my actions affected our relationship and I knew I had to address it before we could move forward.

Taking in a shaky breath, I gathered the courage to respond to him. "Before we get to that, I owe you an apology Sebastián. You've apologized to me many times over the last few months. You've taken full responsibility for your actions and how they contributed to the downfall of our relationship, but I haven't. The truth is, I didn't communicate my feelings to you or voice my concerns. I wasn't happy with my status in your life, but I also didn't do anything about it because of my fear of rejection. I felt like I wouldn't be enough for you and —because of that fear— I didn't dare ask for more. I'm truly sorry for that."

"Jenna," he breathed, leaning forward and grabbing my hand. "You are enough. You've always been enough. I'm sorry we both let our fears dictate our actions. We've lost so much time because of it."

"Yeah," I nodded. "That's why, if we're going to move forward, I have some conditions."

"Done," he declared. "Name them and consider them a done deal."

"Hold on," I said, slipping my hand away. "Wait until you hear what my conditions are."

Sebastián grabbed my hand again and pulled me closer. "Jenna, I don't think you understand. I'll listen to every single one of your conditions, but there is nothing you can ask me for that I won't do, except let you go. I know what it's like to not have you in my life. I've had to live with your absence for three months, and that's enough to last me a lifetime."

I hoped that was true because I had some boundaries I was afraid to share. But, I knew that I had to or we would end up with the same problems. And so, with the determination to be heard, I started to list my conditions.