You had a speech, you're speechless

07

Alana's POV

It's Saturday morning. After spending time with Taylor yesterday and her seeing my cuts I just spend the rest of the evening and the night in my room. I'm so sick of everything. This group home, therapy, school, me being ill. I haven't heard from Taylor but I also didn't text her. My next therapy session is on Wednesday and I wish I could talk to my therapist. I wish I could say what I think and feel. But instead I'm silent every session. I'll never be able to talk. My therapist knows I've a history with self harm so does the group but they don't know I'm actively doing it. What if Taylor tells them? She wouldn't do that, would she?

"Alana it's time for breakfast come on", I hear Mara screaming. I'm still in my pajamas but I don't mind so I heat downstairs and sit down on the table just to look at a worried Mara. Shit what happened? Why is she worried? I can analyze people pretty well duo to my selective mutism and not being able to talk I'm a good listener and analyzer. Mara starts to talk: "Alana I thought you aren't doing that anymore!" Oh damn what is she talking about? Did Taylor say something? Nah she doesn't even know I'm in a group home. I look down just to see my whole sleeve covered in blood. Shit I removed the bandage Taylor placed there yesterday and I didn't check on my cuts again before going downstairs. "Alana please come in my office with me!", Mara says with a sympathetic look. We walk to her office and sit down next to each other. "You could've told me you're struggling with self harm again. I could've helped you to cope. I know you're not a girl with many words but you could've wrote it down for me. Does miss Pitt know?" Miss Pitt is my therapist. I shake my head no. "We have to tell her and I think it's best if we drive to the psych ward right now to see what's best for you. You may not have to stay there inpatient but I want you to have at least an outpatient appointment right now." Tears forming in my eyes as Mara says this. I don't want to go to psych ward again. I can't go there again. "Let's first clean your arm up and then drive to have a chat with a therapist okay?" I nod, I don't have much of a choice.

After Mara cleaned my wounds she send me upstairs to change in other clothes since I'm still in my pajamas. My thoughts start to spiral again, I can't go inpatient again. I grab my phone and a jacket and climb out of the window. Thankfully there is a fire stair next to my window so I run down the stairs and try to remember the right direction to Taylor's apartment. It's the only place I wanna be right now and nothing matters anymore anyways because they send me back to psych ward.

Mara surely is searching me but I don't care. She can't do this. She can't send me there again. Completely out of breath I arrive Taylor's apartment. I want to go to the door and ring the bell when I realize she's a celebrity and has security at her apartment. Before I can think further I feel someone grab me and asks what I'm doing. Of course I can't answer. He pushes me away and calls someone. I just sit on the ground and cry.

Taylor's POV

I'm about to eat breakfast when my phone rings. I pick up and it's my security. "Hey what's up?", I ask. He speaks: "Here's a little girl who wanted to ring at your bell. When I asked her what she's doing she didn't respond and now she's crying on the floor." I'm sure this is Alana. What happened? Why is she here? "I'm coming, it's fine", I say while I grab my key and leave the apartment. As soon as I arrive the front door I see Alana on the ground crying. I pick her up and give her a tight hug. I lead her inside my apartment and make sure she's save. We're sitting on the couch and I watch her tears slowly die down. "What happened sweetheart?", I ask. She didn't respond. Of course she didn't. I grab my phone to text her.

Tay<3
What happened sweetheart?

I hear her phone vibrating and it takes her a few seconds to find the courage to grab it and look at it. When she saw it's a text from me she smiles a little bit. I hope she'll answer me. Maybe we can communicate through text messages because talking isn't an option. I watch her type something and soon my phone starts to vibrate. "Yes, it's working", I think to myself.

Al<3
I didn't know where I should go to. I'm sorry if I bother you.

Tay<3
You could never bother me. But please tell me what happened. I promise I won't judge and I'll be there for you!!

Al<3
Mara saw my wounds and she wants to send me to psych ward again. I can't be there again.

Tay<3
Who's Mara?

Al<3
She runs the group home I live in.

I didn't know she lives in a group home. I give Alana a side hug before I speak to her: "I think she's just worried about you as much as I am. You know we have to tell her you're here and I assume she'll come and pick you up and then you two can drive to psych ward and see what will happen." I can see tears in Alana's eyes again. "I can come with you two to the appointment if you want to and if you have to stay in psych ward I'll visit you and it will help and you will get better okay?" She hugs me and I hug her back. "Okay can I have the number from Mara? Don't worry, we will figure everything out!"

I called Mara and told her Alana is with me and she'll come and pick both of us up because I said Alana wants me to be a part of the appointment with the therapist. "Mara will be here soon. Just know that I'm so proud of you!" Alana is still crying but I can tell she's feeling save with me around. I made an adoption license years ago but never came to the point of actually wanting to adopt someone and it just came to my mind...

Authors note
Helloooo, new chapter. I hope you like it. It's pretty obvious what Taylor is planning isn't it? Do you think Alana has to go to psych ward or will she just have an outpatient appointment?
Alsooo I'm going to meet my new born cousin on the 13th this month. 13 really is my lucky number. I was born on Friday the 13th on Taylor's 13th Birthday. How cool is that?
Never mind. School starts again on Monday and since I'm at my cousin next weekend I don't know when I'll be able to write the next chapter.
-Emely