You had a speech, you're speechless

11

Alana's POV

I wake up at a very comfortable bed. I turn my head to the side just to face Taylor. "Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" I quickly looked away and of course stay silent again. I hate selective mutism so much. Taylor is being so nice to me, I wish I could talk to her. Taylor starts playing with my hair asking "Alana are you okay?" I nod, knowing that's all Taylor can get right now. Out of sudden I realize how bad my arm hurts. Shit why did I do this to myself again? I try to stay clean, at least I'm trying... "let's get out of bed and have some breakfast", she says. I guess she tried to grab my hand but her hand lands on my bandaged arm. I flinch. "Oh sorry. I didn't meant to hurt you. I will check your wounds later again, okay?" I nod in agreement. As we stand up I realize I just slept in my clothes from yesterday. My sleeves are still covered in now dried blood and I hadn't changed into pajamas for the night. I look down at me in shame. "Hey, everything's okay. You can go change your clothes now or after breakfast. You fall asleep on the couch and I didn't want to wake you up to get changed. You could also take a shower if you want to. So what do you wanna do first?" At this moment my stomach begins to growl but I stay silent not answering her question. I really want to answer her tho. "I take this at a 'breakfast first'", she says. I walk behind her, downstairs into the kitchen. Her apartment is really beautiful and cozy. She turns around and tells me to take a seat. I slowly sit down on one of the chairs in the open kitchen.

Taylor's POV

I start to make breakfast. I turn around to Alana, asking her what she wants for breakfast. I don't expect an answer but I won't give in. I will continue talking to her, asking her things and include her. As expected she doesn't answer. My gaze glued on her thinking how I can find out what she wants to eat. "Toast?" She nods. "Okay with what?" Again no answer. "Cheese?" She shakes her head no. "Mhm marmalade?" She nods in agreement. I start to make her a toast with marmalade. I place the toast in front of her and start to make myself the same. We start to eat in a comfortable silence. It's Tuesday morning but I called Alana sick in for school. She's gone through so much, she needs a break. After breakfast I show her the guest room which will be her room, we will decorate everything soon. The room has a bathroom integrated. "So what about you take a shower and I see if I've some clothes that fit you?", I ask. She nods. I leave her alone in the room and walk to my room, searching clothes for her.

Alana's POV

I'm in the bathroom wanting to take a shower when I see a razor placed in the shower. Shit. I think about using the blade to hurt myself but I'm in Taylor fucking Swifts apartment, she just fostered me plus I really want to stay clean. I grab the razor with my shaking hands and sneak into Taylor's room. I awkwardly stand in the door frame until she noticed me. "Alana, what's wrong?" She runs to me. I look down and hand her the razor. "Did something happened?", she asked very softly. I can hear she's not mad, she's just worried. I shake my head no. I'm kinda proud I didn't relapsed and gave her the tool I was about to doing it with. Taylor kisses my forehead saying: "I'm so proud of you for handing me that, I know it must've been hard. Do you think you're okay with taking a shower now?" I nod. "Okay, let me know when you're done. We should go through your room and remove everything you could hurt yourself with, it's for your safety." I nod, knowing she's right. She hands my some clothes and I hop under the shower.

After I finished showering I sit down on my bed. I should go to Taylor and tell her I'm done showering but I can't bring myself to do so. I open WhatsApp to let her know.

Al<3
Tay?

Tay<3
Finished showering?

Al<3
Yeah

Tay<3
Coming

Taylor's POV

I go to Alana searching for things she could hurt herself with in her room. I find scissors and a cutter knife and take that with me. "Anything else?", I ask Alana. She nods but doesn't move. I guess she's scared due to her selective mutism. "Should I go outside and you put everything that triggers you in that basket? I'll be back in five minutes" I hand her a basket which she takes. I walk out of the room, leaving the door open to make sure she's okay.

Five minutes later I go back into her room. The basket is full of stuff. I can see a pencil sharpener, paper clips, safety pins and ... a ballpoint?! "A ballpoint?", I ask confused. "You get creative", she whispers. It's so quit I'm not sure if I dreamed it. I smile. "Then you're a really creative head huh?", I joke. She smiles. "But now we're getting creative in not doing that anymore and finding other coping mechanisms!", I add. She nods.

Authors note
Incredible boring and short chapter but I wanted to give you guys something. I really should write more regularly again. But whuuu Alana talked again. That's so cool. Idk how to end this story but I want to end it before I write a new one but I've this idea about Travis daughter with selective mutism and she's meeting Taylor ykyk. I got inspired by @reallyfkntired. Wow my show is in 19 days wtf