Heart on Fire | Noah Sebastian

Chapter 23

A few days have passed and I haven't heard from Belle. I've sent her a handful of messages and called a few times but she never responded. I've been down to the coffee shop to try and find her, knowing that she's on day shift until Wednesday (I read her roster posted on her fridge the other day) but she never showed. I only ever saw her colleagues, like Toby, who only ever half assed a smile at me and Eric, who was always so happy to see me and always asked how I was. They were always vague when I asked about Belle, saying she was stuck at work or tired. I hesitantly believed them.

But I was still worried about Belle.

I had to push the thoughts of Belle to the side for now as today was our last day in the studio before we head out on a small two week tour. Our manager wanted to brief us on the tour itinerary as well as how our album production is tracking so far. This tour meant so much to us. We were opening for Crown the Empire and with Too Close to Touch. Some of the biggest names in the game right now and I could hardly believe it. This tour is set up to generate anticipation and excitement for our new album, as well as put us on the bigger, wider musical map, but our manager had other ideas of how we can generate excitement.

"You know what you guys really need to do" Matt starts excitedly. "You need to get onto the radio. You should write a song or songs even, for radio, rock radio!" he claps his hands together as if he's come up with the best idea anyone has ever had.

I looked amongst my band and we all shared the same faces of utter disapproval. "Uh, no" Folio responds immediately.

"But why not, you'll get far more exposure this way!" Matt argues back.

I bowed my head, I did not have the energy to battle today. "Because I don't write music for anyone. I write music I like for me, we write music we like for us, that's it." I said bluntly. But it was true. I couldn't give a shit if our music was never played on the radio. We created Bad Omens to create music we like and honestly it's just a huge bonus that other people like it and we get to play it live.

Matt shook his head in disagreement, "Fine then, have it your way. But do you at least have an album title yet?"

We all exchanged blank looks around the room. "Haven't gotten that far," Folio replies with a smirk on his face. We were clearly causing Matt so much stress right now but none of us cared. We make music in our own time, at our own pace. We're not restricted by deadlines and due dates. Genius takes time... and I'll admit I've been a little preoccupied this time around, what with my trauma and all.

Matt glared at us, "What on earth have you all been doing then?"

I went to speak up but froze. I probably shouldn't actually tell him what I was about to say.

"Well Noah almost died like 6 months ago in a car crash, so yeah his healing has kinda taken precedence" Jolly defends me. I thanked him silently. Nicholas also chimes in about my moving house and whilst I'm grateful for the defence, it kinda painted me out to be the weight holding us down.

Matt immediately apologised to me and tried to tell me that he wasn't aware of my accident. He fumbled his words and his cheeks started turning red from embarrassment but he did instruct us to think of an album title and think about writing a radio song whilst we tour. I told him I'd think about it and write if I'm ever inspired or have time two, or if those two things magically coincide.

But I wasn't inspired at all. I haven't slept in days and any creative flair within me is deceased. My body is like an anchor and I can't drag it around any longer. Belle has plagued my mind. Every chime, any vibration of anyone's phone I'm turned around to check mine. Any opening of a door I'm hoping Belle that walks through. Fuck I am sick of this shit plaguing my mind. Someone, whether it is Belle or Alyssa, is always on the forefront of my mind, travelling parallel on two kinds of fear. I can't seem to rest. I'm waking up every hour just to check my phone to see if Belle called, but she hasn't. I still have that pamphlet Belle gave me for therapies, but I don't think I'm ready for that just now.