Heart on Fire | Noah Sebastian

Chapter 20

*Belle's POV*

I lay silently with my naked body intertwined with Noah's. Noah was sound asleep but my mind kept me awake. It was nearing 5am at this point but my heart beat against my chest still so rapidly. Sure, Noah and I just fucked like animals for the second time in a night and I should be tired, but my mind was racing and my heart beat was trying to catch up. Although I don't know why I feel the way I do.

As I traced the lines of his tattoos, I relived the events of the evening that just was. I was only planning on getting high enough to numb myself so much that I might be able to get some proper rest, but instead, the beautiful man who had indirectly crashed into my life told me he loved me, twice. My heart fluttered both times but my body reacted differently. It felt as though it was trying to shut out those words to protect me, raising strong impenetrable walls activated by the 'L' word. I don't love, I don't fall in love. Noone loves me or falls in love with me. That's the way it is. The way I've specifically crafted. It's easier that way.

Noah is such a romantic though, easily the most romantic person I've ever met. No one has ever danced with me, or even offered. His touch was so delicate and his embrace was calming. I've never met that in a person before. I have never just 'swayed casually' in my living room like nothing else mattered. Everything else everywhere always matters as far as my mind is concerned. He made me feel weightless when he spun me around the room, like I could float away and not come down. I was excited, exhilarated and intoxicated by the feeling. My face hurts from smiling so much. His voice softly singing into my ear, fuck I wanted to cry. I've never had anyone sing so softly, so gently to me before. Sure, I've dated a handful of shitty guitar guys, but none of them compare to Noah. I don't know myself when I'm around Noah. I could feel his love in those words and in his embrace, but my walls stood tall and impenetrable.

I also recounted how Noah told me he's been through an abusive relationship and how he trusted me enough to tell me. I was truly taken aback when he told me, but ultimately I'm glad he was able to tell me. I'm glad I can be here to support him and I'm glad he trusts me to support him. But did he tell me as his girlfriend, or did he tell me as an emergency service worker who he knew would be able to help him? My whole career is based around helping people, and everyone always asks for my help and advice, so I'm cautious. I looked over to him sleeping soundly beside me and wondered how someone could be hurt so much but be still so loving and romantic. And how he could really fall in love with me so soon. I was scared shitless thinking he was going to propose to me out of nowhere when he took me to Twilight Harbour, but thankfully he did not. But I can't help him in the way that he needs to be helped or thinks I can help.

I just hope he doesn't think this means I'll share the same level of intimacy as him.

I turned over and decided to doze until my body decided it was nearly 7am and woke me up anyway.

//

I drove down to the station and wandered into my office, finding Toby asleep at the desk. I'm still not used to him being my Senior Deputy now. I've made a mental note to tidy my office and get rid of anything he doesn't need to see. But I saw a sticky note with 'Ally? 12.03pm' written on it. Is that the same Ally that keeps prank calling us looking for Noah?

I walked over and woke him, shaking him softly. Toby rose from the desk dazed and confused, "Oh hi Belle" he smiled brightly when he noticed it was me. "I guess I fell asleep," he laughed. Toby got up, stretched and brought me in for a hug. Toby has always hugged me when he saw me. I hugged him back and he held me tight. Something about it felt uncomfortable and I'm unsure why. I've felt like this for a little while now.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I pushed him away from my body to look at him. He had tired lines under his eyes and his body was hunched. His eyes also looked kind of puffy.