What I Left Behind

Back Again

"Mum l swear ill be fine , please just listen!"

I could emediantly tell on the other side of this phone that she was frustrated. My mum was always constantly on my back, telling me how l need to make something of myself and have a life where l can be wealthy and have an academic job. I knew for certain she disagreed the night of my eighteenth birthday where l broke it to her l wanted to become a music teacher , but of course that wasn't without her not speaking to me for a whole week just because she wanted her dearest daughter to be a lawyer like mummy. Well am sorry , but no chance.

"Cheryl please just understand that l want the best for you, l don't want you going on holiday with those idiots that you call 'friends'!".

With l sigh l spoke once more "Mum whoever l choose to be friends with is not your concern, now l am going on this holiday whether you like it or not because l am not a kid anymore, lm 28 for god sakes!". With that burst of anger l hung up the call , not only because l was angry but because l really did not want to hear her comeback which would be mostly screaming might l add. I was interrupted by my thoughts when the cab driver spoke.

"here's you stop miss"

l quickly got out my purse and gave the driver money and added while getting out "keep the change".

I never had any problems with money not since me and my mum left Scotland and moved to New York, where my mum had got a job as a lawyer. Having a job as a music teacher wasn't a very low paid wage either, so l did fine living in my apartment which was a little too big and never really felt homely sometimes. My long term boy friend always disagreed though saying that it was a little to small. That was one in a hundred things we disagreed on.

I always thought he never really made the effort to really get to know me and spend quality time with what l wanted to do.It was always the other way around with him.

Of course my mother had a part of this , she had made it a surprise after l told her l liked this boy in my high school .She made sure that she got someone very wealthy and "right" for me the night after and forced me to go on a date with him. Ten years later me and mark are still together, l don't know how many times he has sat me down and had "the talk" about getting married and having children, but l just try and change the subject or say l am not ready to settle down

. It doesn't help though when all of my friends are either married and have children or are too drunk to care. The only reason l am with Mark is just to keep my mother happy, that's all. I have been through a lot and don't get me wrong l have tried to break it up but there's always going to be a reason to stay and he makes me feel guilty saying that he would change , which he would but of course go back to his normal self. I quickly walked over to the counter and asked for my plane ticket. "where to miss?" the reception lady warmly smiled.

"To Scotland please my name is Cheryl Friel , it should be there on the computer", l saw her eyes quickly scan the computer and looked up with the same warm smile "Yes miss Friel , your plane will be boarding shortly" With that l gave the woman my suitcase with a thank you and left to get on the plane.

As l sat down in the plane l got my earphones out and listened to some calming music to ease my nerves. As you may have guessed, l am defiantly not going on a holiday to Ibiza with a few of my friends but to go to my fathers funeral. With the hundreds of letters we have sent to each other , not once did he mention he had bone cancer. So you could have guessed my reaction when l got a call at 2 in the morning with my uncle Mic phoning saying that he had passed. I was devastated , l still am. To think of the last time l saw him was when l was nine and haven't seen him since .Only a few letters saying how 'l' am and how 'l' am getting on. Nothing ever about him.

He was always a very hardworking man .I could always remember the late nights he had to work at different hours (mostly late) to even put food in front of me and my mum .When my mum and dad were together , she was also a diffrent person.

Its hard to imagine it now , that she's this wealthy posh elegant woman, before she was kind and sweet and although she never said it often to my dad , when she saw him her blue eyes sparkled and l could always tell my dad saw the same thing as he honoured the path she walked on .

He did everything for us and l even vaguely remember when we moved to our last house together .There was a boy who was clearly getting abused next door by his parents and my dad had this connection with him and started treating him like his own son and l also got very close to him and was best friends with him for years.

His name was Jason, me and him had many memories , when l first met him we instantly connected and became best friends and if anyone bullied me or said anything nasty at school he would go all protective of me and it was kind of like a big brother as he was a year older.

Although when l became older l started to have "feelings" and became really close to him until my ninth birthday he gave me my first ever kiss and not too soon after my parents had an argument about my dad spending his money on gambling and drinking , l guess my mum couldnt handle it anymore and we had to leave .That was the last time l seen him.

Ill never forget my mum driving away in the middle of the night with me looking at the door where my dad was. His tearstained old ragged shirt and his eyes bloodshot but was covering it up with one of his own loving smiles that he used so many times before when he saw me looking. I knew the truth though. That was the last time l saw him and also Jason , it was hard not seeing him as well , l spent everyday with him and he was my only friend who l secretly loved at such a young age.

I always wondered if he ever thought about me and missed me just as much as l did with him.

Over the years though l stopped thinking about him and my dad as it was the only way l could get by without feeling regretful for leaving. I opened my eyes to passengers getting up from their sets getting their bags in the cabinets above them. I was shocked at first at how fast they hours had passed by, I quickly got up and grabbed my bags and headed to the front of the plane,

l was finally here.