TANGLED PLANS

54

Max

My head weighs too much, and my body is too light. I'm floating home as I get dropped off by a friend. I may be drinking a lot, but that didn't stop me from thinking straight. There was no way I was going to be caught in a car under the influence with a chance of getting into an accident. The one I heard about that involved my sister when she was under the influence was scary enough for me.

When I almost trip on my face when trying to take off my shoe, there is a strong hand on my arm that holds me up. My head moves slowly and hurts when I look over to meet the eyes of my father. He didn't look too impressed with me, just by the fact that his lips were drawn in a thin line.

I take off my shoes fully, keep them by the door, and try to move toward the hallway in order to get to my room. I just wanted to lay in bed and forget about the shit ton of emotions that consume me now. I didn't know why I suddenly cared so fucking much about someone who didn't want to see me three years ago, but now it hits hard.

There's a tug on my arm that stops me from making any progress toward my goal. My dad pulls my body, and once I'm stuck in front of him, he lets go with disgust on his face. "The hell are these teachers letting you go through school drunk. I can smell you."

I open my mouth to make a snark remark about the concept of teachers and how, ultimately, they are just trying to do the bare minimum in their job to go home at the end of the day. I want to tell him that teachers don't care to stop the kid who snuck under the desk in order to take a swig whenever the reminder of his mom pops into his head. When I had gone that far in my last class and then swiped at my mouth afterwards, I had made eye contact with my teacher.

She had only shaked her head back and turned back to teach the lessons. I didn't know if she would have stopped me later after class because I had booked it out of there, right as the bell rang. I did know that no one followed after me. I couldn't be mad about seeing it that way. I didn't want anyone to ask me any questions. I wanted to simply exist without feeling the sad emotions.

I wanted to feel a silly kick in my heart whenever I saw Daisy. I wanted to feel my mouth moving up on their own when I saw her laughing with her friends. I wanted to feel my heart grow bigger in my chest when I saw her blushing at my expanse.

I wanted to feel those emotions, not the ones that come with negativity.

My dad makes a noise with his teeth, a tsk that I hear loud and clear. My dad shakes his head and looks at me with a slight scowl. "What has gotten into you, Maxwell? You come home drunk and run to your room before I can even see you. You go through the day drinking. Where are you even getting it from?"

"You know there's this thing called the liquor store," I tell my dad with a slight smile, to which he narrows his eyes.

"Cut the bullshit out, Max. What has been going on?"

"Nothing," I shout back at him. His voice had risen with the last sentence he had said.

My dad pinches the bridge of his nose and says, "I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to do. Maxwell, you can't come home drunk."

"Because your colleagues will see?" I tell him with a sarcastic smile.

"Because I care about you!" My dad shouts back, his voice loud and booming. My heart catches in my throat at his words. He cares about me. He cares about me. Does he? He was here; he was trying to control me. He was always on my case whenever I did anything. But did that mean he cared about me? I didn't know anymore. I didn't know how to tell when someone cared about you.

Daisy cares about you. A voice rings in my voice. I shook it away; I couldn't afford to think about her and the sweet words she shared with me. I didn't want to think about how soft her hand was in mine or how equally soft her eyes were on mine. I wanted to exist in that moment forever, but I couldn't. I was going down, and I wasn't selfish enough to bring her into it.