VAPOR (Sensations 1)

Chapter 36

Calum

It's been three days since I last saw my girlfriend, or talked to her. After that night, she asked me to leave and said that needed some space. I've never regretted more leaving that house than when I did that day. I left, knowing she was hurting, knowing that she was going to break again the moment the door closed. That broke me too. I tried, I did my best to be strong for her and transmit calmness and peace, but I couldn't. I was furious. I felt like if I saw them in front of me in that moment, would've killed them with my own bare hands for hurting the person I love the most in such way. I'm not an aggressive person, I swear, but I don't know what's going on with me lately. I have this sudden, weird, angriness peaks that are just not me. Maybe it's the stress, maybe I just had so many things going on in my life in such a short time, but I don't want to become someone I'm not.

I can't stop thinking about that day, when I got Michael's call my blood ran cold, for a moment I felt my whole body getting numb. Mike was terse with his words, but hearing "Moon" and "Help" on the same sentence was enough for me to take my jacket and rush out the door, like I did. I'll always remember the way she was crying because it was nothing like what I've seen before. She was in pain. Emotional and physical. It killed me to see her like that. But what really got tattooed into my brain where her eyes, the absolute fear in them; almost as she was scared of me. Her eyes, those incredible ice blue eyes that I fell in love with, where screaming for help and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. I chose not to talk, let her take the first step as I've always done, and God... I had no words. False, I did, so many, most of them where horrible, to not say all. Obviously not towards her but towards the bastards that hurt her. The problem was that those weren't the words I needed in that moment, I needed to erase her sorrow, that deep pain she was in, and didn't know how. It haunts me that I could not help her. That she forced me to leave her. That no matter what I do she'll always be a victim of one of the most horrible things a human can do to another one. Two humans, in this case, if you can even call them like that, for me they will always be monsters.

I wasn't in the mood for anything, all I wanted is to hug Maylea but I couldn't, she didn't want me close and I had to respect that. So what I did instead was getting ready to leave my place so I could go to the studio for some rehearsals with the band. It was Ashton's birthday too, he had organised a party in a private venue, that way all the people under the legal drinking age here, birthday boy included, could party without having to worry about anything. Did I feel like going? Not much. But I had to. Ash and I had a really rough start of the year, but he's my best friend and I love him, I can't leave him alone on his birthday, if it was a normal party maybe I would decline the invitation saying that I didn't feel good or something, but I couldn't miss his day.

Once I was ready, went downstairs to have breakfast, just to have something in my stomach since I didn't feel like eating either, my appetite was gone. There I found Ashton, on his phone, and I approached him saying:

-Happy birthday, buddy! -I patted his shoulder before hugging him.

-Thanks! I was starting to think you forgot. -I've been awake for a long time but haven't come out of the room until that moment. We used to burst into each other's rooms when it was anyone's birthday, but I didn't today.

-I didn't. Just wanted to be in my room for a little longer. -I explained as I served myself a cup of coffee and I took a muffin to eat. It was almost noon but I had to eat something.

-Are you feeling better? -He asked, cautious, knowing I've been pretty irascible lately.

-Let's say I do and pretend it's true for the sake of the day.

-Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can't help but you are going to explode if you keep all that inside, dude.

I took a deep breath, exhausted of the situation.