Alive (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 44

I stand there for a second just staring. I'll give it to him, this boy is persistent.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, also curious to know why he was taken away by a professor.

"Um I'm not really sure, to be honest." We stand there in silence and my heart longs to have him forgive me, to tell me he loves me and that he'll never give up on us.

"Do you want to come inside?" I blurt without thinking. I mentally face palm and curse at myself. He looks surprised at first but then nods his head.

I step out of the way to let him in and quickly scan the room. It's not trashed but it's sure not clean. I have a feeling that he won't care. I close the door and turn around putting my hands in my back pockets, rocking back and forth on my heels.

"We can, uh, sit on the couch if you want," I say breaking the silence. He nods again and we both walk over and sit down. My knee is touching his but neither of us move. After another second of silence he takes my hand in his and runs his thumb over my knuckles, giving me goosebumps.

"You're still wearing it," he says now touching the ring on my left hand. I look down at the promise ring he had given me and unintentionally smiled. It seemed like ages ago.

"Of course," I say barely over a whisper. He looks up at me now with such intensity I have to look away. He turns my head back towards him though, he had gotten closer and my breath hitches in my throat.

"I really want to kiss you," he whispers, inching his head ever so closer. I should say no, I should back away, but I don't. I stay silent and he keeps moving forward slowly. As he does all the knots in my stomach loosen up and I can't hear all the thoughts that cloud up my head every second of everyday, I feel whole. His lips touch mine and I take a breathe in, breathing him in. He kisses me so softly and gently, I feel like the most fragile thing in the world. Oh God have I missed this, missed him. How can he do this to me? He makes me feel alive, like I have something to live for. I would do anything to be deserving of his love.

He puts his hand on my neck and pulls me a little closer deepening the kiss, slightly. He's probably thinking why I'm not stopping this but I couldn't even answer that myself.

I don't think about what I'm going to do next and I should have, I really should have. Without thinking I push him down onto the couch so he's laying down not breaking the kiss and hover over him, kissing him from a new angle.

"Wait," he says pulling back a little, breaking the kiss. I come to my senses and immediately sit up and feel my face get hot. I stand up off the couch and turn away feeling hot tears of humiliation about to come down.

"No I didn't mean, Am no. I meant-" He's cut off by his phone ringing and I mentally thank whoever is calling. He answers it annoyed and I take that time to go into the kitchen.

I lean my hands on the sink and hang my head down, taking deep breathes. How could I be so idiotic? What in the heck was I thinking? I hear Louis hang up in the other room I prepare myself for him to come in at any second. I hear a sigh and footsteps coming towards me. After a minute of silence he speaks up.

"That was Mason, he says he needs me." I lift my head up but don't look at him, I keep my eyes focused straight ahead on the wall.

"Okay," is all I say, trying to keep it hidden that I'm about to cry.

"Look Amy I-"

"Don't," I cut him off, shaking my head. It's silent once again but I know he's still there. After a few more seconds I turned around but he was gone. A second later I hear the door close.

I walk out of the kitchen and see that he really is gone, I don't know why I thought for even a split second that he was still here.

I sunk down to the floor and brought my knees up to my chest and let the tears finally come out. In a matter of a few seconds they became breathless sobs. I've cried more in the last two weeks then in my whole life. I couldn't help it, I was a raging mess.

I cried for what felt like hours. I kept thinking that my tear ducts were going to dry up but they didn't. I finally pulled myself together enough to get up and go take a shower. I stumbled across the living room to the bathroom, still wiping my eyes.

I opened the door to the bathroom and turned on the light, looking in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and there was streaks of black running down my face an addition to my raccoon eyes. I couldn't bear to look at myself anymore and teared my eyes away from the mirror and started the water.

I stayed in there for at least an hour, just standing there. I had to coax and convince myself to wash my hair and to actually try and get clean. I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel and walked out to my closet. I threw yoga pants on and a sweatshirt, trying to make myself as comfortable as possible. It was now dark outside, I read on my phone 9:04, it really had been hours.

I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of cereal. I hadn't eaten since last night and realized I was finally hungry. I came back in the living room and flipped the tv on to a random channel. This is my life, and I hate it.