Alive (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 30

That night Louis and I were laying in bed with my back pressed to his front with his arm draped around my waist. He kept whispering things I couldn't even understand in my ear, which I was now starting to think he was doing just to annoy me. He stops though after a few minutes and stays silent. Finally going to sleep then I guess.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks quietly just when I think he's drifted off.

"Of course," I say. He doesn't need to ask me if he wants to ask something. He stays silent for a few more minutes before replying.

"How...how come you can get so upset and angry sometimes?" He doesn't ask it derogatory or rude but the question still makes me stomach lurch. He's noticed. Well of course he's noticed you idiot! I yell to myself. I'm not exactly good at hiding it either.

I known for awhile now that I'm going to have to tell him eventually but I've never spoken it aloud since it happened because I know what will happen if I do.

"What do you mean?" I ask quietly.

"Come on you know what I mean. Somedays you'll be laughing at everything then five minutes later I can barely get you to talk to me."

I turn around so I'm facing him since this isn't really a casual conversation. Am I really doing this? Letting out this secret I've kept for months? I guess it wasn't really a secret back home but still everyone knew not to mention it around me.

"I've never talked about this until now, but I trust you ok?" He nods his head looking intently at me. I close my eyes for a second gathering my thoughts together before speaking.

"I had a friend, a best friend and we did everything together. And I really mean everything." This is not going to be easy.

"Everyone called her Missy because she hated her real name Melissa. But anyways people always knew if she was there then I would be there to and visa versa, we were friends for as long as I could remember.

"In the seventh grade we even planned that we were going to live in the same house with both our families, so we had to make sure our husbands were friends also." I smiled a bit at the memory, of all the memories that were starting to come back now after I had pushed them away for eight months.

"We had planned to come here to California together got our jobs at the boardwalk when we came here earlier in the summer and everything was great but then-" I cut myself off not wanting to say what happened, and also not wanting to tell Louis. He's going to think what everybody else thought. She's crazy.

"But then eight months ago," I had to bite down on my lip to keep myself from crying. "Eight months ago we were driving trying get home at curfew so we wouldn't get our butts chewed off. We were going to fast and she was an idiot always forgetting to put her seat belt on, but I wasn't her mother so I wasn't gonna buckle her up for her but we, we were just talking as usual and and it just came out of nowhere." I started to talk faster hoping that if I did it wouldn't be as painful telling it.

"It just jumped out, the deer it was just there. I yelled at her to stop and she looked and screamed swerving out of the way."

"Amy, Amy calm down its alright." Louis put his hands up to my face cooling the hot skin. I didn't notice until now how erratic my breathing was, my body shaking. I took a few deep breathes and regained my control before speaking again.

"When she swerved we went right into a ditch and that's the last thing I remember until waking up in a hospital."

I tried to open my eyes but the light was so bright I had to close them again. Where am I? I tried squinting my eyes open and it helped a little and I gradually regained my sight and looked around the room. I was in a hospital. The events from the night before came rushing back to me and I had to stop myself from laughing.

Missy was never going to hear the end of this from me. She almost killed us for Christ's sake. Speaking of which where is she? I would think that my mom would have asked them to put us in the same room, but maybe they don't allow that here, I don't know.

When I go to sit up more I hear the door open and I look to see my mother rushing in to me. Here come the tears.

"Oh Amy are you alright? Well of course you're not alright but still how are you feeling? Should I get the doctor to give you more morphine?"

"I'm fine mom really, I don't really feel anything my body is kinda numb. Where's Missy?" A whole different kind of worry and sadness crossed her face when I asked this. She was worse then me huh?

"Amy, Missy she...she didn't," When she didn't finish a whole set of nerves exploded in me. "Missy didn't make it, she was killed on impact." She finished quietly. My body remained still. Why would she joke about something like that, it's not funny.

"Mom stop, stop messing around."

"I wish I was honey but-" She started crying now shaking her head. "They couldn't save her, they tried they really did but they just couldn't." My heart was beating so hard I thought it would explode out of my chest. This can't be happening they're all lying she's not dead. She is not dead. I refuse to believe it. She can't just leave me here like that, no.

That's when I started sobbing uncontrollably. They have to be lying, she's she's my best friend, more than my best friend. She's been with me my whole life and she is not dead.

That's when the screaming started. I tried to get out of the stupid bed ripping out the cords that were in my arms. My mother tried to push me back down sobbing but I needed to get out of here. She is not dead.

The hospital staff came rushing in, trying to get me to lay back down. But I kept trying to get past them, until one stuck a needle in my arm. She is not dead.

I woke up with a start looking around at my surroundings. I was in the same hospital room as before, but now my whole family was sitting around me with their heads in their hands.

My brother looked up first seeing that I was awake nudging the others to look up as well. She is dead.

"How are you feeling?" My dad asked timidly. I didn't say anything and just looked off picking a spot in the corner to keep my eyes on.

"Amy please talk to us." My mom pleads but I keep my eyes trained on the same spot. She is dead.

I open my eyes and see Louis who had tears on his cheeks matching my own.

"I didn't talk to anybody for a whole month and when I did it was just to my family. The only reason I left my house was for school and when I got home I went straight to my room. Things got a little better after a while but not much. I was a shattered person. I couldn't feel anything but the pain for awhile, everything else just went numb. You think I'm crazy don't you?" I ask finally looking into his eyes. He shook his head and wiped the tears from under my eyes.

"Everybody else does." I say quietly. I think that's why I've kept this to myself this whole time because no one would understand. So your friend died get over it. No one said that but I could tell most were thinking it.

"I'm not everybody else Am." He looked upset for another reason and I could give a good guess on what.

"You're fixing me though. When I'm with you I'm happy and sometimes it may not seem like it but I am. You make me so happy I feel like my heart will burst sometimes." He smiles a genuine smile at this and pulls me tighter to him kissing me on the forehead.

"I'm glad I'm the one who gets to fix you."