All Which Remains

Epilogue

Epilogue

I'd made a life for myself in the U.S. I talked to Abyasa every day through video call. We had started our business. The base was in Surabaya, and Abyasa watched over it for me. I did miss Arron, but the loneliness and sadness became background noise in my life. The hole wasn't yet filled, but it did get smaller. After I'd lived in the United States for five years, I decided that it was time to go back home. I felt like I'd become a different person since I left. I had struggles, but I never forgot where I came from. I kept on moving, never stopping to wallow in grief. Grief for Arif and grief for Arron. I knew that if I went back home, I would feel fulfilled. I was ready.

I met Abyasa at the airport when I got back to Surabaya. My Suroboyoan was rusty. I hadn't hugged Abyasa in years, and I missed the feeling of being in his arms.

"I missed you, Farrah." Abyasa said, holding me tight.

"I missed you, too, Abyasa." I didn't want to let go. "I love you." I whispered to him. It'd been so long since I'd said that I loved someone.

"I love you." He said back, and we broke apart. He grabbed my suitcase and we left the airport. It was like I had never left. He still had the same car, and the airport looked the same, too. I breathed in the air. It was different than the air in the U.S.. The air in Surabaya was sweeter, while American air was thicker and heavier. The altitude was different.

"Do you still live in the same house?" I asked Abyasa as we got into his car.

"Actually, no. I don't. I live in an apartment now."

"Is it close to the water?" I asked.

"Yes. Do you want to live with me again?" He asked, looking at the road.

"I would love to." I responded, smiling at him. I felt like I was home again. "Just let me pay rent."

"If you want to," Abyasa said, smiling.

I laughed.

He held my hand.

He turned on the radio, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. I couldn't believe that that had just happened. He's holding my hand. I turned away from Abyasa, blushing like crazy. I put my hands to my face to help hide it. Aaah. I pressed my face against the cold window to cool myself down.

When we got to his apartment complex, I couldn't help but stare in wonder. It was beautiful. It was a few minutes walk from Delegan Beach. Abyasa helped me unload, and we hiked up the steps to his apartment. It took a few trips to get everything up there. When I saw the inside of his apartment, I was awe-struck. The blinds were open slightly so that the trees created little spots of light all around his apartment. It was pretty small, with a kitchen, sofa, and a short hallway.

"Come in." He said, taking his shoes off at the door.

"O-okay." I said, also taking my shoes off like he did. I dragged my luggage inside, and he led me to a room. It was decorated with paintings and had a small bed in the middle. It felt like he knew that I was coming back. Maybe he didn't know when, but he knew that we were meant to be together. When I remembered that I hated him with a passion when we first met, I laughed at myself. How the mighty fall. I set my stuff down in the room and joined Abyasa in the living room.

"I never asked you why you had lived in a house all by yourself before I met you." I said, sitting down on the couch.

"I knew that someone would need me at some point. Plus, I used to live with my parents there, I just never got around to selling it." He laughed and scratched his head. His hair was shorter than it used to be. His skin had gotten darker from being in the sun so much. Even more handsome than before. I put my hand out and he took it. I pulled him closer.

That night, Abyasa made dinner. He looked adorable, wearing a 'kiss the cook' apron. When he set the food down on the table, I almost drooled. It looked so delicious. He had his version of Nasi Goreng, gado-gado, and an assortment of satay covering the table.

"This looks amazing. Thank you, Abyasa," I said, holding my hand to my mouth.

"You're welcome," Abyasa said, looking down at his hands.

"Whatsup?" I asked through a mouth full of satay.

He thought his answer over before saying, "Nothing."

That just made me all the more curious.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong. Please?"

"I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic. It's been a long time since we've eaten dinner together." He chuckled.

"It has, hasn't it? It feels like just yesterday we were sitting on the couch watching a movie together," I said, grinning at him.

"You have sauce on your face," he said, looking away from me.

I dabbed at my face with a napkin.

"Is it off?"

"No," he said, still not looking at me.

"Alright, where is it then?" I was starting to get mad.

"Here, let me help you." He stood up and walked over to me. "There, see?"

"See what?" I asked, crossing my arms.

Abyasa leaned in; his mouth hovered over mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

When we were together it felt like we were kids again, and that's something that I'll never forget.

I know that this might seem like a lot to you, and it probably is, to know that your parents created something so horrible, but it's important to note that at the time, we didn't know what we had done. What we were doing.

We regret doing this to you and so many other people. My love, fight, break the cycle. I don't care if you destroy the whole organization as long as you live the life that you want. Don't let them determine what you do with your life. That's something that I learned the hard way, and it cost me so much.

Arron, we love you dearly. I'm sorry for hurting you so much.

Love,

Mom & Dad

I close the note, and put it under my pillow. I'm going to miss reading about Mom's life. She was married, and yet she'd named me after a boy friend that she had. I guess it's important to know that the name 'Arron' has more meaning than I've been giving it credit for. Well, I'm going to forget this soon. I lay down on the cot, and pull my blanket over me.