Heliophilia
(n.) desire to stay in the sun; love of sunlight
To be loved is to be changed.
Arabella Dawson
Has never had anybody constant in her life. From parents always being away at work to one shitty friend, she doesn't know how to exist when...
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Perfidious (adj.) betrayal of trust
Fifteen ♡︎♡︎♡︎ Arabella
I don't think I'm very good at the whole friend thing.
They never seem to stick around.
This has never been more apparent than right now. As I sit opposite Kane and Mika. All three of us watching as Flint leans across the table a few feet away from ours.
He leans across the table, arms flexing, tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, whispers something in her ear, pulls back. Smiles down at her.
And everything crashes down on me suddenly. It's as though my throat is closing up. And my stomach is tying itself into a knot. But it's also a bottomless pit. A pit full of knots. That only manages to strangle me from the inside out. Strangle and choke me. Cutting off my oxygen supply.
Someone's taking a knife to my skin and they're ripping me apart at the seems, turning me in on myself only to re-stitch me.
And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was another girl. If he wasn't blatantly flirting with her. With Sierra. He's supposed to be my friend?
But he's over there smiling at her and he never smiles at me.
I watch as she blushes under his stare. Turns to face me, smiles. But it's cruel and cold and malicious.
And my heart stops when he turns and smiles too.
God am I really that pathetic? Is there something wrong with me?
I wish someone would just tell me how to fix it. Instead of hurting me.
My throat closes, vision blurs, and I'm pushing away from the table. Mika calls after me but my footsteps are too heavy to hear him.
I hardly make it out the canteen doors before the first sob escapes.
♡︎♡︎♡︎
I normally hate the rain. Right now it's the only thing that's comforting me.
It's cold and I'm standing in my form line in the middle of the yard. The fire alarm went off just before the end of lunch.
Nobody knows if it's a real fire or not.
I don't really care.
Suddenly the rain stops. Which is weird because it's still splashing my feet. I tilt my head to find a bag being held above me. Sheltering me.
