Heliophilia
(n.) desire to stay in the sun; love of sunlight
To be loved is to be changed.
Arabella Dawson
Has never had anybody constant in her life. From parents always being away at work to one shitty friend, she doesn't know how to exist when...
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Philophobia (n.) fear of falling in love
Forty-seven ♡︎♡︎♡︎ Flint
It's entirely stupid how much I miss her.
She hasn't even been gone a few hours and yet it feels as though a part of me has been missing for weeks.
Sighing I roll over, unable to sleep without her next to me.
Arabella's apartment has always felt light and easy to me. Now, without her here, it feels sort of empty. As though what makes it her apartment, my safe space, is missing.
My phone rings and I'm instantly picking it up. Knowing it her from the special ring tone she set for herself.
"Hi." She whispers through the phone, as if embarrassed to have called at all.
The ache in my chest eases slightly at her voice and I'm rushing to reply. "Hi."
Arabella lets out a sigh from the other end. My insides becoming a little harder at the sound of it. I sit automatically, reaching over to put on my socks as I speak, "You okay Bells? Want me to come get you?"
Is it selfish of me to wish for her to say yes?
To want her to want me to pick her up. To go get her even if it's 1 in the morning. Even though she's with her friends.
"No, I'm okay." She tells me and my insides deflate a little. Which is utterly selfish of me, I know that, and yet I don't know how to be better.
I want to be happy for her. Be happy that she's spending time with her friends, that she's having her first proper sleepover. And a part of me is.
A part of me is entirely overjoyed at the prospect of her being happy and having fun.
Another part of me, a slightly bigger part, is saddened at the fact she's so far away instead of being right next to me.
I push that part down. And down. And down. Where it's unable to hurt her. "Good, are you having fun?"
Are they being nice? I wish to ask instead and I hope she gets the hidden message.
They better fucking be being nice.
"Yep." She chirps making my insides swell because I know she's smiling even though I can't see her. "I was just calling to make sure you're still at mine."
