To Anyone That Cares

To: Tears

I believe that tears are the true thing that separate you from others. Because, there's truly only two kinds: loud and silent.
I am different from others. I am defined from others. My tears and fears make me who I am. I have had my fair share of tears, but I am silent. I do not cry out into the night or my pillow, in hopes that somehow I will be saved, no, I scream out in my head and let the tears fall, yet make no noise to please my demons.
I have not always been this way. There have been times when I've cried so loud that my throat ached and my lungs burned. There have been times where my eyes have gone dry but my sons continue to rage on, giving no hint to their end. My pillow was full of tears and screams of sadness that could make you sick. All of this was before I changed.
Many people are different. Everyone who has silent tears screamed out in hurt when they were younger. And the people with loud tears and sobs are the people whose pain filled them so much that it overflowed and they couldn't repair their dams fast enough to stop it.
I respect the people who let their tears flow, silent or loud. Both show strength either by you finding enough material to seal your mouth from the pain, of being able to show the world your pain.
My advice to just cry. Cry out, cry in, show your pain loudly or silently, throw things, break things, be noticed. Please. Because I know how it feels to be in your position. People think that tears are a sign of weakness, but they're the furthest thing from it. Tears make you different from everyone because they are the deciding factor of if you're ready to help yourself, and dear god please help yourself.
You have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have your broken parts put back together and then to see someone else-whether you know them or not- to be broken and beaten down by their demons. It feels as though the heart and soul you just pieced together could crack and break all over again, and you realize that if you can't see tears on their face, they're etched into their heart, making two divots that can't be filled in.
Tears can make you or break you. They can make you loud or silent. Make sure the only tears you can cry are happy tears that are both silent and loud, and those are the tears that make you different from everyone who only wanted to pick silent or loud, while you picked both.

Thank you for listening,
Elizabeth Lynn Martin