To Anyone That Cares

To: Birds

. I envy you. I mean I really fucking envy you. You're probably thinking that is the upmost stupid thing you've ever heard, but to me, it's a real case for jealousy.

. I was never the jealous type until I saw the birds soared through the air with a flick of the wrist and not a single care in the world. From that moment when I started thinking about them, I became the jealous type. Early in the morning, when I still lived with my dad, I would crawl out my window and on to my roof just so that I could see the birds fly away from their nests. I remember being so jealous that tears ot anger would suddenly fall and make me furiously wipe them away. I was jealous because I wants to be like the birds. I wanted to be able to fly away whenever I wanted and to never have to worry about anything. I wanted to be as free as them, even though i knew they were never free; they were chained to the sky, but I figured that I rather be chained to the sky than the ground.

. Going to the park, I would curse those birds for hours because ot how they seemed to not care about how lucky they were to be able to fly away. And I would wish on every shooting star, dandelion puff, and wishbone I had that someday I could be like the birds and just fly away. But it never came true. I'm sad to say that I have never grown wings and been able to take off into the sky and soar high a above the ground.

. But I've learned that I don't need to be like the birds and have wings to fly away. I've learned that people can be your wings. And these people can either be your permanent wings or just temporary, only needed to get you closer to your permanent wings. For me, my ex boyfriend was my temporary wings-only used to get me away from my father and closer to the love of my life. Now, I've found my permanent wings and I don't need to be jealous ot the birds.

. But of course, I still get jealous from time to time. If I ever get frustrated or stressed, I revert to my old ways; cursing those damn birds. I'm glad though, that all the wishes of a little girl never came true. Because if they ever had, I never would have met the love ot my life. I never would have been mended, I never would have learned to love, and I never would have been able to stop my demons.

. So I guess, instead ot being jealous of the birds, I should thank them for what they've done. They made me wait. Wait until I was strong enough to have my first pair of temporary wings so that one day I could meet him and get my permanent wings. Without them, I don't know what I would do. I guess that they taught me a lesson of sorts:

I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking. Somebody might ask me, "Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" and I'll reply, "Nope. But I do want to have a seat on a chair with wheels and roll along with you." So maybe flight isn't so cool after all. Possibly birds get pissed off they have to fly everywhere.
(Quote from :Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.)

Thank you birds for teaching a jealous girl a lesson,
Elizabeth Lynn Martin