if only

chapter 11

Mags and I walked into Billie's birthday party side by side. She was almost a foot taller than me in her huge platform combat boots, but she still clung to my arm tightly. We'd become better friends in the last few weeks, so much so that I felt comfortable enough to ask her to go to the party with me, so I didn't have to show up alone.

We walked into the kitchen, and she immediately found her friend group, shrieking at Zoe and running into her open arms. I was left standing awkwardly in the middle of the packed room, which felt about exactly right. I chuckled and stuffed my hands in my pockets, and wandered.

It'd been such a long time since I'd set foot in a party like this. I still couldn't believe Billie had opened her private home to it. She must be getting more comfortable, and trust everyone there to some degree.

I looked around. There had to be 60 people in the main area, at least. That's a lot of people to put your trust in.

I continued to slowly walk around, looking, looking; for the same girl that everyone else was looking for, just hoping she'd be especially happy to see me.

After I found two girls kissing in Billie's room, I backed out, grinning, and bumped into the boy I'd met that first day in the park. He was no longer attached to the arm of the girl he'd been making out with all that afternoon, but instead to a man who looked much older than him. My eyebrows raised. Alright.

"Hey, you seen Billie?" I yelled over the music.

"Outside, last I checked, smokin' some," he shrugged, and wandered off with the strange dude.

Smoking? Huh.

I headed back to the living room, then out the French doors to the patio. At a large wooden table, a huge group of people sat and stood around in a haze of thick smoke, with one very obvious point in the center: the raven haired birthday girl I was after.

She was smoking a blunt, and the sight both shocked me... and deeply turned me on.

She caught sight of me, and smirked, sitting back in the chair, manspread and inhaling again on the smoke. I shook my head at her, and her smirk deepened. She yelled over the din of her admiring crowd, "Come here!"

Returning her smirk, I began to make my way through the crowd. Some moved out of the way easily, others I had to nudge with my elbow because they were too stoned to notice me. I finally made it to her, and stood behind her chair, my hands resting on the back of it. I leaned close to her ear.

"Interesting look for you," I said, louder than normal so she could hear me.

She looked up at me, "Yeah? Bad, or what?"

I shrugged. "Just different. Didn't think you smoked."

"I don't," she said, smiling slightly and taking another pull. It looked like old hat.

"Hey," she suddenly yelled at a guy sitting in the chair next to her. "Move."

He waved her off but stood; this was, after all, Queen B's party. She gestured, and I sat. I took her in; heavy black jeans, fresh Nikes, and a plain black t-shirt. I licked my lips when I got to her face, her perfect mouth, her bright eyes, which locked onto mine.

"Baby," I breathed. "You look so good."

She grinned, her dimple showing, eyes heavy from the smoke. I fell even harder, my chest pounding and breath coming faster.

She put the blunt to my lips and I inhaled, held it, then exhaled away from her, and leaned in to kiss her soft cheek. "Beautiful..."

The rest of the night got hazy as hell, but she only got more beautiful. She kept getting pulled in all directions, especially when someone brought out several candy cane covered cakes, and everyone sang. I faded into the background and let her shine, content to find little spots around the house to sit alone and watch her from afar.