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XXXIV.

"But nothin' is better sometimes,
once we've both said our goodbyes.
Let's just let it go.
Let me, let you go."
when the party's over | Billie Eilish

Chapter XXXIV|ᥫ᭡

       A wave of emotions washed over Isis as she watched Javi holding his child. Jordi slept peacefully in his arm bundled up in a blue blanket with little cars embroidered all over it. He was a very cute baby and Isis could see why Javi was so enthralled with him. Of course, she wanted to be happy for him but watching him being a dad and her not having a connection to the child, rocked her entire world. How the hell am I gonna do this? She thought to herself.
"C'mere, ma." Javi called to her, glancing up at her. Isis slowly made her way towards him, sitting down on the couch.
"Say Hi to Ice." He said to Jordi, picking up his little hand that was balled into a fist and waving it. Her chest tighten as she held back the burning tears. This was harder than she imagined. Isis never expected herself to be feeling this much grief meeting Javi's child. She knew this day would come after finding out the news of Serenity's pregnancy, but now that the day was actually here, Isis felt like she was suffocating. Yet again, she was agreeing to be okay with some shit she knew deep down she truly wasn't. The love she felt for Javi was so deep, that it had Isis fighting against everything she knew she should've been doing, which was walking away. Part of her was too scared to let go especially now cause then it would leave Javi and Serenity nothing but space and opportunity for them to be together. However if that did happen, then maybe just maybe, they weren't meant to be together. Isis kind of wanted to let that happen, to see or more so test if their relationship was real or not. But she should've know that testing a relationship always tended to fail.
Picking up on her energy, Javi massaging her thigh.
"He's cute." She finally said. He was caramel shade with small doe eyes like his mother. He was a spitting image of Serenity and Isis saw no Javi in him. She'd always pictured what their child would look like hoping it would be a perfect chocolate mixture of both the of them.
"Handsome ain't he? He's gonna have all the girls fallin' over him." Javi joked and Isis playfully rolled her eyes.
"Do you want to hold him?" He asked and she tensed up. Isis didn't think she could handle that just yet. It was a weird situation. She was perfectly find with being around Caine with Carter, but with Javi? It was something completely different.
"No, not right now." Isis politely declined making Javi feel some type of way. He knew it wasn't an easy thinking he was asking over her, but still, Javi was constantly tried to show Isis where she stood in his life and it seemed like his efforts were continuously failing. If Isis was able to accept Caine's child but not his, it made him wonder about a lot, placing doubts in his mind about their entire ordeal. Javi needed to know if Isis was on the same page with him or was what they were doing it simply a distraction of convenience for her. Her entire aura changed when he brought up Jordi. He hated to ever have to choose between Isis and his child, but if it came down to it, Javi knew what the choice would be.
Javi nodded okay, keeping his thoughts to himself...for now. "Ima go lay him in the crib." He said before disappearing down the hallway. They were at his mother's house. Jessica offered to watch Jordi for a few hours as Serenity and it was at the perfect timing for Isis to meet his soon. Jessica was just as thrilled as Javi for the birth of Jordi and more than was willing to watch her first grandson for a few hours. She'd even converted his old bedroom into a nursery.
Unknowingly though, across the city, Serenity was in an argument with Caine over the fact that she'd keeping his son away from him, just to pretend like she and Javi were a happy family.

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"Tell me what's on your mind, ma." He said as his eyes zoned in on her. He puffed on the blunt as Isis nervously bit her bottom lip. A couple hours later, they sat outside in his truck, smoking, in front of his mom's house. There was a lingering awkwardness between them as both had a million thoughts on their mind. Isis and her uncertainties and Javi with his questions.
"Huh?" She replied, playing dumb. Javi lightly chucked, shaking his head, passing her the blunt. Isis didn't know how to explain what she was feeling without seeming like she didn't trust him. A part of her did, but for some reason she couldn't stop feeling so much uncertainty and that overshadowed everything else.
"C'mon, ma. I know you. Something is up." He insisted. Isis was about to respond but as she opened her mouth to, she noticed a familiar face driving up in a white Honda accord and pulling over to park. The driver got out the car, spotting Javi in his truck and happily marched over. The smile on Serenity's face faded as she got closer, noticing Isis in the passenger seat. From afar it was hard to see her because of Javi's illegal tint. But as she got closer, Serenity could see her clear as day and it made her blood boil.
"Nigga, I know you ain't got this bitch around my baby!" Serenity instantly shouted. Javi's head turned in a swivel as a mug plastered across his face. He exhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Man chill the fuck out with all that yellin' and shit, over here." He spat. His mom lived in a quiet ass neighborhood with many white neighbors and wasn't trying to have her neighbors prying or bring any type of drama to her front door. But Javi should've know with Serenity, there was always going to be drama.
"I can't believe you think it would be okay to have this bitch around my child!" She continued her antics and Isis rolled her eyes, sick of it all. Serenity being a force in the relationship was draining and left Isis wanting to walk away with the quickness.
"Watch yo fuckin' mouth." Javi spat through gritted teeth, checking her on calling Isis out of her name.
"Nigga fuck you and this bitch." Isis snidely snickered, reaching for her seatbelt. She would only be one too many bitches before she took matters into her own hands. Something had to give.
Javi placed his hand over hers, stopping her. The last thing he wanted was Isis fighting Serenity and especially in front of his mom's crib. She was too pretty for that shit. Plus Javi knew if Isis did, she would've probably beat her ass making it even more difficult for him to coparent with Serenity.
"Nah let her ass out." Serenity egged Isis on.
"Ain't you sick of this shit? You a whole mother now and still showin' yo ass. Chill the fuck out. We ain't together and won't ever be." Javi viciously spat as his nose flared and the muscles in his jaw tightened, Isis literally hated herself for being turned on by his anger, but he just looked so fine when he was upset.
"Fuck you, Javi! Once you get tired of her ass, you'll come crawling back like you always do!" Serenity shouted, pulling out her key, attempting to key his trick, but Javi hopped out and stopped her before she was able to.
"You lost your fuckin' mind?!" Javi barked, shoving her forehead with his index finger, before he roughly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from his car. Isis sat watching them argue by Serenity car as the what she said replayed in Isis's mind.

Once you get tired of her ass, you'll come crawling back like you always do...

Isis wondered if they was any truth was Serenity said and from they way they were arguing had her convince of so. From a blind eye, it looked like a lover quarrel. They shared a child now and if they were stuck in some sort of on and off bullshit, Isis wanted no parts of it. She put of the blunt then climbed out of the vehicle and went back inside. Watching them argue was only making things worse.
A few moments later, Isis heard Javi entering the house. He plopped his body down on the couch, running his hands over his face and deeply exhaling.
"I'm sorry for all that bullshit, ma."
"Yeah whatever, Javi." Isis responded, annoyed. The whole situation just left her mentally exhausted and in a bad space.
"The fuck does that mean?" He asked defensively as his agitation increased.
"Nothing Javi." Isis insisted, trying to drop it. She wasn't trying to pick an argument, but she also couldn't contain how she was feeling. Serenity would always be apart of Javi's life now and Isis either learned how to accept it or walk away because staying in a relationship where she was constantly arguing with someone's baby momma in, wasn't it.
"Ma, just be honest for fucking once. Please." Isis scoffed, lightly chuckling. Javi cursing at her, pissed her off to the point she didn't even want to continue the conversation. Unlike Serenity, Isis didn't scream and shout. She just left you right where you had her fucked up at.
"What do you want me to say, Javi? How hard it is to see me you having a baby with her? Because it is. It's gut wrenching and a baby changes everything."
"Man stop fucking lying to me! Don't use my child as an excuse. That nigga had a baby, fucked around on you and you still stayed!" Isis cut her eyes at him, shooting him daggers. It wasn't that same with Caine and maybe because she knew her and Caine weren't end game. So him having a kid didn't really matter or not. But with Javi, it fucking mattered...so much. Isis hated that she was letting it get in the way of them, but with the way Serenity was acting, it could only get worse from here.
"I would never do that, but I can't deal with anymore unhinged ass baby mommas. That shit is draining." Isis stressed, trying to get him to understand her point.
"You given her exactly what she wants, Ice. Me and you broken up." His voice softened a bit.
"I mean maybe it would be the best...for now." Isis unsurely said. She was just voicing her doubts, hoping Javi would convince her of otherwise. That the bond that had could withstand anything.
"What you tryna say ma?" Isis shrugged.
"I don't know, but I know I can't put my sanity at risk just because I love you and I know this is giving Serenity exactly what she wants...but maybe we should break up..." Isis said trailing off and avoided eye contact. She could feel Javi's gaze pierced into her and his disappointment from across the room. Javi was staring at her like she was crazy. He was mad Isis was even letting Serenity get in her mind. Even after everything he done to show her that it was different, it still failed and he wasn't fighting to keep someone who obviously wanted to let go.
Javi masked his hurt as his head bobbed.
"Bet." Her drew back at his cavalier reply. How could he claim to love her so much and just so easily walk away from everything they shared?
"That's all you have to say?" Isis asked, surprised. Javi sarcastically chucked, pissing her off.
"What else you want me to say me? It's clear you made up your mind. A nigga can't keep trying to convince you of anything if you don't wanna be here." His words split her heart in two. Isis was hoping he'd at least put up a little more of a fight. Give her more reassurance and tell her that they could make it through this but he didn't. Which only furthered her resolve in ended this. But what did she expect? She could only toy with his heart so much.
"Whatever Javi." Isis replied hurt, choking on a ball of emotion.
"Yeah that's your response to everything ain't it?" He ice-grilled before Isis scoffed walking out and slamming the door.

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