| Blurred Lines |

XXXVIII.

"Sorry if I'm up and down a lot. Sorry that I think I'm not enough and sorry if I say, sorry way too much."
Needy | Arianna Grande

Chapter XXXVIII|ᥫ᭡

     A sluggish Isis woke alone in her bed that next morning. She was trying to wrap her head around her last 24hr, but couldn't seem to make sense of her actions. After her and Caine did what they did last night, Isis quickly sobered up and sent him on his way. She spent almost an hour in the shower, trying to remove the smell of him on her skin, feeling disgusting with herself. She then spent the remainder of her night crying her eyes out in bed. Nothing made sense to her anymore and she couldn't figure out where life was leading her. Most days, Isis found herself just going with the flow of life, repeating the same routine and mistakes day in and day out. But one thing was forsure, Isis refused to let Caine ever back in her bed again. She fucked up by allowing temporary emotions and lust get the best of her and that mistake would eventually come back to haunt her. Isis knew if Javi found out, it wouldn't end well. Everything they had was at jeopardy because instead of just asking Javi about what he and Serenity had going on, Isis choose to believe her assumptions instead.
     Starting down her phone at Javi's several missed calls on her screen, had Isis feeling like the worst person ever. She was hesitating on calling him back all morning, but knew the longer she waited, the more her guilt would eat at her. Taking a deep inhale and exhale, Isis clicked on the missed call notification as the line started ringing. Her stomach dropped in anticipation of him picking up.
"What's up, Ice?" Javi said as his deep voice flowed through the phone, pulling on the strings of her heart. She cleared her voice before responding, "Hey, I saw your missed calls." She casually replied.
"Yeah, ma. I was tryna talk to you last night. Where were you at?" He questioned, making Isis bite into her bottom lip as she began pacing back and forth in her bedroom.
"Home. I was working on a painting last night and didn't see your calls." She lied.
"I know how that goes." Javi lightly chuckled, not thinking much of it and believing every word she said. He knew how Isis got when she was in her creative zone, so not replying until morning was nothing new.
"Yeah..." She said as her voice trailed off. If she thought coming clean, wouldn't put more of a strain on their relationship, Isis would. But her admitting to Javi that she slept with Caine, would probably start WWIII.
"Why were you calling?" Isis asked.
"I wanted to talk to you and try to get back on the same page, ma. I ain't been feelin' how shits been between us lately. Plus I ain't want you thinking me and Serenity were together cause you saw her at P & Z's champagne party." Javi admitted, rocking Isis entire world. Fuccckk, I ain't no better than this nigga Caine. She thought to herself. Time and time again, Javi was going out of his way to prove his word, even when Isis was constantly being finicky and letting her past hurt, jade what they had now. He was always trying to make her feel secure and Isis didn't understand how she was ever doubting him. The whole situation with Serenity was still something she didn't know if she could truly handle, but damn it was clear and without a doubt, who Javi was still choosing. And if he was so sure about them, how could Isis not be as well?
"Oh." Isis said, taken aback a bit and honestly unsure of what to say without feeling like a fraud.
"Can I pull up so we can talk in person?"
"Yeah you can."
"Come open the door then." He said, making her heart stop. She quickly went over to the window, pushing back the blinds, and seeing Javi's truck park out front.
"Give me a second." She replied and they disconnected the call. This could've ended horribly if Isis hadn't made Caine leave. Javi running into him at her house would've for sure given her infidelities away. But what is really a true infidelity? Javi and her never made it official, so technically she was off the hook, right? Isis wasn't so sure because she knew, if she found out about Javi sleeping with Serenity, then it would probably end them for good.
A few moments later, Isis opened her door as Javi stood on the other side dressed in black essentials hoodie and sweatpants set and a matching skully, pulled low over his eyes.
"Hi." She timidly said opening the door.
"What's up?" Javi replied as he entered as they shared a hug. The smell of his cologne made her weak in the knees and a twinging feeling of guilt began to eat at her. Isis pulled away noticing his bloodshot red eyes and the bags underneath. She couldn't tell he wasn't sleeping and Javi wasn't. Between putting in work on the studio and taking care of a newborn baby, he was beat.
"You look tired." She commented, trying to keep things light and feeling the butterflies in her stomach flutter in anticipation of the coming conversation. Isis went over to the couch making herself comfortable as Javi followed.
"Shit, I am. I've been keeping the baby for the past couple nights." He was still waiting on the results of the paternity test, however he found himself spending as much time with Jordi the past few days in anticipation of the results. In a short few weeks, Javi had bonded immensely with him and now the thought of not being the father was worrying him. At first, he wanted no parts and dealing with Serenity as a baby momma wasn't easy, but experiencing fatherhood, was a joy Javi never would've thought he'd enjoyed this much.
"Oh...that's nice." Isis replied, fidgeting with her hands. At some point, she had to get comfortable with him having a child with someone else. Especially if they were ever going to work.
"Yeah, I did a paternity test a few days ago." Javi informed, piquing her interest. Isis didn't know what lead him to finally to do the test, but she was glad to hear he finally did. Her jealously over Serenity sharing a child with Javi was one of the things holding Isis back from allowing herself to truly be with him.
"Serenity finally agreed to do one?" She asked, surprised.
"Nah, she doesn't even know I did it. My mom set up an appointment with this lady she knew from the hospital."
"So, how are you feeling about finding out the truth?" Isis questioned. She wasn't able read what Javi's was feelings were about the situation.
"I don't know, ma honestly. I ain't Serenity's biggest fan but being a father is something I always wanted." He answered truthfully.
"I get that, plus he seems like a chill baby, given his mama." Isis lightly joked.
"Yeah, that's my boy." He responded gleaming with pride,"So, what's up with us ma?" Javi asked, getting straight to it. There wasn't any point to keep beating around the bush.
"What do you mean, Javi?" She asked back, acting clueless. She knew what he meant, but Isis couldn't stop thinking about how she betrayed everything they had, by letting Caine back in a few hours ago, in this very same spot. Javi rubbing his goatee and starting at her.
"You know what I mean, Ice. Are we doin' this shit or not? Cause I ain't forgot about the other night. I ain't tryna be on no back and forth shit with you no longer, ma. A nigga gettin' too old for these games." Isis sighed, feeling so much guilt hearing those words come out of his mouth. A few hours ago, she was convinced they were over. But here Javi was, once again, proving all over her qualms, wrong. She was conflicted and tears formed in the corner of her eyes from all the emotions she was feeling.
"Why you cryin', ma?" He softly asked, pulling Isis closer to him and resting her legs in his lap.
"I don't know." She quietly sniffled, but Isis knew why. It was her guilt. "I'm just scared and I don't want to disappoint you, when you find out I'm not who you think I am." Isis confessed, speaking in a double entendre. Hearing Javi's heart felt the same way, hers did, terrified her and excited her all at the same time.
"What are you talkin' about? I know you. Ain't nothin' you could tell me, that would make me disappointed." Isis gave him a yeah right look in response.
"I'm not perfect, Javi."
"C'mere." He commanded, pulling her onto his lap. One hand rubbed her back as the other gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. "I love you, aight? Fuck everything else. You got my heart doing weird shit every time I see you or think about you. It's been that way for years, ma. I don't know what it is, but don't you think it's time we finally figure it out?" Javi confessed, peering deeply into her. It was effecting Isis in ways she hadn't felt before, making her even more emotional. Javi wiped the tear that feel from her eye, placing his forehead against hers as they shared the oxygen in their lungs with one another.
"I love you too, Javi and maybe you right. It's clear these feelings I have for you aren't going away."
"I'm more than right, ma. I know Serenity'd bullshit don't make it easier and I promise you, ima handle that shit. But I need you to have some faith in me. Can you do that ma?" With Caine, Isis dealt with so much of his uncertainty, that she'd become used to the guessing and confusion. She'd became willing to accept the bare minimum. However ever since Javi, came back into her life, he'd shown her what it was like to be really wanted by a nigga who left you with no worries. Maybe instead of fighting everything she was feeling, Isis could just have a little faith in them like Javi was asking her too.
       Letting go of her skepticism was hard, but for him, Isis was willing to give it a shot. Javi was constantly proving he wasn't on no shady type of time with her and in the last few weeks. Isis realized how much she didn't want to be apart from him. Javi made the simple things of life even more fun and kept that dark cloud, that formed after her parents death, from floating around her head. If he was so willing to take the risk, then Isis would blindly follow him into the abyss of love. It was obvious no matter how many times they tried to stay away, that they just ended finding their way back, so it was no point in fighting it anymore.
Isis nodded her head, "Yeah I think can do that." She answered. Javi smirked, rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip before placing a kiss on her lips, making Isis feel all fuzzy inside. Their heartbeats synced and they both realized in that moment that neither of them wanted to lose each other. Isis just prayed what she had done, could be a secret she took to her grave. She knew she had no intentions of doing it again, so this one little lie wouldn't hurt them...right?
     Javi began rubbing on the small of her back, feeling her soft skin and smelling her sweet scent. He had been craving her like crazy and wanted to reacquaint himself with every inch of her body. No other woman had an effect on him like Isis did. It was just something about their bond that had Javi ready to give her the world and more. Isis was all he saw and wanted to see.
     He slid his hands between her legs, palming her entire pussy making Isis tightly close her eyes. I can't do this. Not after just sleeping with Caine last night, she thought to herself. As much as her body wanted Javi, sleeping with him less than only ten hours before she slept with Caine, felt wrong and immoral. Denying him was fucking impossible, but Isis knew she shouldn't sleep with him just after being with someone else the night before.
"Javi, no. I need a wax." Isis protested and Javi laughed.
"I don't care about that, ma. I'm all man."
"Well, I do, so until I get one. She's off limits." She insisted, freeing herself from his hold.
"How much is a wax?"
"Why?"
"How much, Ice?" Javi pressed again.
"Like 70$" Isis replied and Javi went into his pocket, pulling out a wad of cash and peels of a few bills. If Isis were a bird bitch, this would excite her. But money did not. She had her own shit and didn't need a nigga to supply her lifestyle. She did that just fine on her own. Javi handed her the money and Isis pushed his hand away as her face turned into a frown.
"I don't need your money, plus I don't even pay for them. Kenia does it for free." Isis refused, getting up off of his lap.
"Well call her up." Javi said, pulling her back on his lap and Isis playfully rolled her eyes.
"Boy bye."
"This mine right?" He questioned as they locked eyes. Javi softly stroked his hand over the front of her shorts sending a chill down her spine. He began kissing her neck and Isis couldn't help but to throw her head back, getting caught up in what he was making her feel. He knew that was her spot.
"I asked you a question, ma." Javi demandingly repeated, tugging slightly on her ponytail. Isis slowly shook her head yes, unable to form the words.
"Aight then. A little hair ain't never hurt." Javi aggressively pulled her body closer to his, placing Isis right on his brick hard dick. Her mouth formed an O, feeling her clit thumping like crazy. Her eyes rolled back in satisfaction and Javi wickedly grinned, knowing he had Isis right where he wanted her.
     Make-up sex was the best, and Javi couldn't wait to show Isis how much he really meant what he said. He wanted her to feel his words and no without a doubt he was his and she was hers. Their conversation had shifted the entire trajectory of their relationship, making an official commitment between the two. A commitment that soon would be put to test.

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