I'm in Love...with a Rockstar (MCR)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: In Once Again

I drift in and out of consciousness as Mikey carries me into the hospital and gets me emitted. I get put in a room and heavily sedated to help with the pain. At one point, when I am conscious, but lying with my eyes shut, Gerard calls. I think Mikey knows I'm listening, because he puts the call on speaker.

"Hey, Mikey where are you?" He asks. "The bus is just about to leave. You're going to miss it."

"I'm...I'm not coming." He says.

"What? Why?"

"Gee, we're at the hospital." I hear Gerard pause. "Gee?"

"No. No. what happened. Whenever you were at the hospital is was because something bad happened. Pierce got shot. You were in the crash. Pierce got shot again. What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Then why are you there?" He asks, his voice frantic.

"Gerard-"

"What's wrong with Pierce. Let me talk to her."

"She's sleeping."

"Do you need us to cancel the gig. I'm going to."

"No Gee, don't go that."

"I have to. The sub bassist doesn't play bass. He plays cello."

"Gee, please. Don't get overreacted. I don't want you to cancel. Please. Go do the gig. Do the gig. Don't make the fans disappointed."

"Micheal James Way." Gerard says sternly. "Why the hell, are you in the hospital."

Mikey swallows. "Fine. Cancel the gig. Just come here and we'll tell you then. Just, don't be too hurried. We don't need you in a crash too."

"Alright. Keep her alive for us."

"She's not in the hospital because she's going to die."

"Well, I'll see you soon." There is a click as he hangs up. Mikey sighs and walks over to the bed. He sits in the chair and grabs my hand.

"I am so, so sorry." He says. I open my eyes to see that he hung his head and is crying softly. "I'm so sorry." I lift my hand and cup his cheek in my hand and he looks up.

"It's not your fault." I whisper softly. "It's not. It was just the way of life."

Even as I say it, tears are brimming my eyes and I have to blink hard to keep them from falling. I swallow.

"It's no one's fault." I mumble. I brush his hair away from his face and trace the scar with my finger. He stares at me.

"I should have been home. Why wasn't I home?" He asks.

"There wasn't anything you could've done." I say. "It would've happened whether you were home or not. I fell out of the shower and that should have been my clue. I wasn't meant to have a child. The first time we didn't want her. The next six we failed. This one was taken from us. It should be a clue. We aren't supposed to have any-"

"No." Mikey places a finger to my lips. "Don't. We will have kids. Like the doctor said. We just have to keep trying. Right?"

"I-I-I don't-" I stutter, finally letting the tears begin to fall. "It ju-just feels like God ha-hates us or som-something."

"No. No." He says, leaning in and kissing me gently. "No. We'll get it. I promise."

The doctor walks in and up to the bed. He smiles at me. "Hello. My name is Dr. Bailey. I will be doing your exams today. He flips open his chart. "Miscarriage."

"Yes." I say, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"And how did it occur."

"Painfully."

"Not a joke."

"It wasn't supposed to be." I spit.

"How did it occur."

"I slipped."

"And?"

"Getting out of the shower."

"Alright. And you suffered pains."

"Obviously." I murmur. "And there was blood. Lots and lots of blo-blood." I say my eyes filling with tears once again. Mikey squeezes my hand. I look at him.

"Thank you. We'll get you checked up soon. He turns and leaves and as he is exiting the door, Gerard, Frank and Ray enter. I lay my head to the side and close my eyes. Gee walks up to the bed. He looks down on my.

"She doesn't look hurt." He says, grabbing my other hand. I pretend to be asleep.

"Internally." Mikey whispers.

"What?" Gerard asks, sounding alarmed. "Does she have...cancer?"

"No."

"Mikey. What is it? She's part of our lives too. We deserve to know."

"I know. I just thought she'd want to tell you herself."

"I don't." I say, still not opening my eyes. "Tell them. Please." Tears well up between my closed lids. I bite my lips and hold them in.

"Guys. Come here." Muffled footsteps approaching the bed; Ray and Frank. "Guys. You know how a few weeks ago we surprised you on the bus ride."

"You're having twins!" Frank exclaims.

"No." Gerard says. "He's too serious for that. This is something bad."

"She had a miscarriage." Mikey whispers. The room falls silent and I let my body shake. The tears fall again and my body is shaking so hard that I can feel the pain even through the medicine. I raise my hands to my closed eyes and cover my face. Someone's hands are on my shoulders. They are steadying me. I open my eyes and have to blink the tears away to see clearly. Frank is standing over me holding my shoulders.

"Pierce. Pierce. Please. Calm doen." He is telling my to calm down but there are tears in his eyes too. His eyes. The joker is going to cry. What is the world coming to. I take a deep breath but make no motion to wipe the streaming tears away. I look at him.

"I just....I wanted one so bad." I choke.

"I know. I know." He sits down on the edge of the bed and envelopes me in a hug. I sit, my arms limp, and let him hug me. I cry into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Why is everyone saying that?" I ask. "It's not your fault."

"I know. It just makes people feel better I guess."

"Yeah." I swallow, gasping. "I just...there was so much blood."

"I know." He mutters. "I'm sorry."

"I-I-I-I have to-I have to tell Li-Lizzy." I gasp sitting back from Frank's arms. Mikey hands me his phone and I dial her number from memory.

"Yellow?"

"Lizzy."

"Pierce.

"Lizzy I-"

"Pierce? You sound...sad. Are you okay."

"I'm not having a baby."

"You had an abortion? Why? I thought you wanted a-"

"Lizzy. I had a miscarriage."

She falls silent. Like everyone else.

"Oh. Pierce. I...I don't know what to...I'm so...sorry." She says.

"I just thought you needed to know. You're my best friend and I wanted you to know. Tell Heath for me will you? Don't. Tell. J-"

"Jared. Alright. I won't." She pauses. "And Pierce, feel better alright?"

"Okay. Bye." I smile tearfully and press the end button. I give it back to Mikey. I sit, drugged and depressed in a hospital bed, surrounded by my closest family.  I grab Mikey's hand and pull him onto the bed. He sits next to me as I fall into oblivion, drowning in darkness.