The Fear Between Us

Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Remember

"So, how is this going to work?" I ask Rosewood as she sits me down on the bed and gets herself a chair, "I'm going to keep the place as quiet as possible and ask you some questions. All you have to do is just try to remember."

"What if I don't?"

"That's okay, remember you are suppressing these memories, you aren't going to recall everything." She assures me as I relax on the bed, "Okay, okay I'm ready."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I say as she begins to ask the questions, "Okay, let's start small, what do you remember right now?"

"The only thing that keeps playing in my mind is predatel." I say as she nods, "What does that mean?" She asks as I shake my head, "I don't know, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, take your time. What else do you recall?"

"I remember strong feelings, like guilt and sadness..."

I remember twirling my locket between my fingers repeatedly. I don't remember the plane but I remember the rumbling, the sound of bombs hitting the Russian soil while we fled. I don't remember the car ride, but I remember the stares we got from the foreign people in this foreign land. I remember a girl, waving at everyone and everything. I remember opening a locket constantly just to make sure that the photo was secured and each time I saw the neatly folded piece of paper lying comfortably on its side.

The twilight is glistening on the sea but it's not beautiful. This doesn't feel like hope. It feels like a failure, like a disappointment. The house we had now was almost farm-like propped on the beach overlooking the horizon. It's painfully beautiful. It's empty with opportunities that none of us can see yet. The girl grabs my hand as we run towards the cliff that overlooks the sea, the waves are calm as Ma shouts for us not to be up too late. I'm tired and so is the sea. The waves meekly crash on the rocks making small droplets that barely reach two feet into the air. What a perfect night to be in solitude. For some reason I end up reminiscing, thinking when will there be a better moment than this? ...if only I was quick with it.

They came in fast, all I remember is the flashlights and guns pointing at us with long nuzzles but no barrel on the side. Josephine's face was as white as a ghost, we both knew it then. Even with them dragging me away I still feel like I was chasing after her falling body. The stillness changed to a raging storm. Her eyes opened to look at me but there was no soul left, the lights were on, but nobody was home. It didn't matter how much I kicked and screamed; I was alone. I felt their grip shift as they prepared to throw me inside the automobile, with one swift motion my back hit the steel bed of the car followed by darkness. I rushed quickly for the opening, but the men closed the door before I could even get a taste of freedom, it smelt of medical supplies and blood.

I didn't know what else to do, I took my locket staring at it for a while before opening it and taking out the photo. I tore off a ribbon from my dress and tied my hair up with the ribbon before placing the photo in the middle of my pony. Silent tears fell down my face. I had to be strong for Ma, for Pa, for Josephine. I had to be strong for the better days of Russia.

"No! No! Leave me alone, no!" I tried escaping from the men who opened the door, but they simply dragged me out effortlessly just like they had done on the cliff, "Let me go, please! What did I do? What did I do?" Was the last thing I remember repeating before seeing the gun that killed Jo being pointed at my wet face.