Saved by The Bad Boy

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

***

Cadence's P.O.V.

"Will you forgive me?" Axel pleads.

I stand still, with a frown on my face and my hands on my hips.

"No. Not yet."

"I will do anything to make up for this! I'm sorry it lead to that." Axel says again, putting his hands together.

I feel a couple of heart strings being pulled at the sight of Axel begging me.

But I'm not going to give in. Not yet.

"I know what you can to for me," I say, and can't help but notice the hopeful smile on Axel's face.

"Bring me back home."

Axel's smile disappears. "Come on, Cade. I said I was sorry."

"I haven't forgiven you yet but this is for something completely different."

"Can I come with you?"

The question makes me think. I don't really want him to come. I'll be a crying mess. But it would be nice to have someone there for support.

"No." I say, making up my mind.

"Please Caden-"

"Axel!" I snap. "I really need to go. Stop. Asking."

I'm finally starting to get irritated and Axel's face tells me that he figured that out.

He gives in without saying a word and grabs his keys.

"Sure. Let's go."

The ride is quiet and I'm thankful. I don't want to talk about what I'm going to have to face today, and I sure as hell don't want to talk about Axel's fake kidnapping. All to prove that the whole drug thing was real. Bastard.

I look out the window and can't help but let my mind wander. Three years ago from today. That's all the longer she's been dead.

Axel pulls up to the house and puts the car in park. He looks at me intently.

I dodge his stare while kissing him on the cheek, just to make sure he knows everything is okay between us, and then hop out of the car.

I don't dare look back at his handsome face, I might ask him to come with.

Jane isn't home, thankfully. She knows, but I don't necessarily want to be bombarded with questions. I run upstairs and change into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. I grab the metal butterfly I bought and go back downstairs to get into my car.

I remind myself to get flowers before starting the hour-long drive.

-

I pull up on the gravel road, coming to a stop in front of her grave. I grab the butterfly and the flowers and get out.

Graveyards have never scared me. They seem peaceful, quiet, and somewhat lonely. And I love it.

I hold my breath as I look a her grave.

Dana White.

October 2, 1996- September 30, 2012

We love you, baby.

The words on the grave stone are enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I lay down the butterfly next to the other two. Three years. Three whole years she's been gone, and the butterflies prove it.

I lay the flowers down, and then sit against the stone and pat the ground, silent tears spilling out of my eyes.

"Hey, Dana." I whisper. The words hurt me. My chest aches and more tears come. "I'm so sorry."

I say those words every year. Every goddamned year that goes on without her. And I know, I know that it's my fault that she's dead. Every year kills me a little bit each time.

I stay silent for a while, looking up into the sky and wondering if she's watching me. Or if she can even hear me.

"Remember when we used to sleep outside?" I say, choking on the words. "No tent. Just our sleeping bags, the stars and us." I smile lightly. But the tears keep flowing down my cheeks.

Another deadly silence follows.

"I brought you a butterfly." I say, tapping the metal lightly. "The first time we saw these we nearly flipped." I say and cut myself off with a short laugh. "We were so obsessed with them. But then again, we were only 10. Everything was cool when we were 10."

Something wants me to wait for an answer. Some sort of sign that she's there. But I keep talking anyway.

"You know that day?" I ask, not wanting to mention her death. "I think I saw a butterfly." I whisper, before collapsing into thick sobs.

My chest feels heavy with regret, guilt, and sadness.

"I wish I could take it back." I say through my sobs. "Even if it meant I had to go through every beating again. I would do it. I would save you, Dana. I would."

I wipe my eyes and look back up at the sky. "I hope you have forgiven me, Dana." I pause for a brief moment before continuing. "I miss you so much."

"Everything that I do I think of you. Everything that I say brings up a small memory. I can't get you out of my head, girl." I sob. "You were always there for me and I don't know if I was ever there for you. I feel so guilty."

Some of the things I'm saying are getting some stuff off my chest, but other things are just bringing it back up, making me even more guilty.

I bring my knees up against my chest and lay my head on them. I stare blankly for a while. Thinking about the stupid stuff we did. Or the smartest stuff we did.

I know that Dana would have forgave me already. She was that kind of person. She would forgive someone so easily no matter what they did. Even though Dana may have forgiven me, I haven't forgave myself.

The sound of gravel crunching under tires snaps me out of my daze. I blink a few times to see if I'm seeing correctly.

"Axel?" I ask quietly. "What are you doing here?"

He jogs over to me. "Jane told me. Not what happened, but that you would be here."

I take a breath of relief that she didn't tell him.

We sit in a comfortable silence, until Axel breaks it.

"Will you tell me?" He asks, so quietly I thought I might have imagined it.

I look over at Axel and think for a while. His face is so patient. So kind and loving. No one really knows what happened besides my parents who are in jail, and Jane. I need to get it off my chest. So I nod my head.

"Sure."

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