sʜᴀᴛᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ

T H I R T Y - F O U R

Alexa

Zach was home. Benny was in my bedroom, so I opened my mouth to call to Zach for help, but Benny cussed in annoyance, and pulled me in front of him, and then he pushed me out of the window.

I screamed as I fell down. I landed on the ground with a hard thud, hitting my head. I cry out in pain. I try to lift my head, but I was so dizzy and my eyes were blurry.

I knew that I needed to get up, I needed to run, I needed to call out for help, but all I could do was cry, as my face was in the dirt. I didn't care that my mouth was getting dirt in it. I was in so much pain.

I could feel someone huge landing on my legs and I just cry out harder. Did Benny just jump on me?

He pulled me up by the arms, and I was face to face with him again. His nails were digging into my skin. My legs hurt. Bruised, probably. My head hurt too. It's pounding. I really hope I don't have a concussion.

"L—let me go—" I say, even though I knew that after everything, Benny wouldn't listen to me. Why would he, after all he's done to me?

"Fucking bitch," Benny says, his eyes narrowed.

So aggressive..

I swallowed, my nerves frayed. I'm so worn out from all of this. I just want it to be over with.

"Alexa!"

I didn't have time to process anything, before I was yanked out of Benny's grasp.

Zach.

He had came outside and saw me with Benny.

I was so utterly grateful, I started sobbing out of pure relief.

Benny stared at Zach practically holding me in his arms, and then he takes off running.

Zach lets go of me and starts running after him.

I sat to the ground, trying to stop the tears from falling down my face, but it was a wasted effort.

I waited for Zach's return.

***

It was thirty minutes later before Zach returned, looking grumpy.

Benny wasn't with him.

I had sat outside in the blazing sun the entire time. I was drenched in sweat and I was starting to get light headed.

Zach seemed even more sweaty, but exhausted too. How much was he running for?

"I lost him," Zach tells me, pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry."

I swallowed, not saying anything.

***

A week had went by since that incident. Zach told Cameron, of course.

We were all on edge.

Me most of all.

But tomorrow—Monday—I'd be going back to school, and it'll be the very last week of eighth grade.

Even so, I couldn't bring myself to feel very happy about that.

Not with Benny out there.

I kept gaming dreams—nightmares about him. About him killing someone that I care about. Sometimes it was one of my brothers, other times it was one of my friends.

Benny was crazy. There was no telling what he'd do, but my mind was jumping to the worst possible conclusions.

As for hanging out with Jackson, Elliot, and Michael, Andrew and I were only allowed to hang out with them at the house. Supervised, of course. No one was willing to take any chances.

It may have felt suffocating, but I also felt safe. So it was okay.

***

I woke up to my blasting alarm clock. That was one thing I definitely didn't miss about going to school.

I was quick to turn it off and sat up, my eyes a bit blurry before they adjusted. I stood up and turned on the lights, and then started blinking. It was a little bright at first.

I got dressed, taking my sweet time. I wasn't in any hurry, because I had plenty of time to get ready.

After I was done, I walked into the kitchen to see everyone already down there, eating breakfast. Zach had made bacon and eggs.

"Good morning, Alexa," says Zach, handing me a plate.

I took it with a smile. "Thank you," I tell him, sitting next to Andrew.

When I first escaped Benny, it took me awhile to warm up to yummy food again because my stomach couldn't handle much without making me feel really sick, but now I love food. It was probably the third on my list of things I missed the most during those months. After my brothers and friends, of course.

I began eating. No words were exchanged. We haven't had a lively meal in ages. I missed those days of being carefree. Those days I had taken for granted before everything turned to shit.

But no one was in any mood to carry a conversation, so we all ate in silence.

Very serious tone and I didn't like it one bit.

I was to blame, of course.

Maybe I should have never came back.

I couldn't help but to have those thoughts. Since I've been back, everything has gone so horribly wrong and everyone is so miserable, and I hate it so much.

I should have died.

But I'm such a failure that I even failed at my fucking attempt.

I sigh.

Why am I thinking such negative things?

When I finished eating my breakfast, I placed my plate in the sink.

Zach began washing the dishes, as I followed Cameron, Justin, Jason, Andrew and Blake outside. We all leave together, we all come back together. New rule. So Cameron would be drinking us to school.

That was understandable,  I guess.

We went to the middle school first, where Andrew, Blake and I got out, and then Cameron and the twins left for the high school, which was very close.

Even now, no one was talking. Normally in the silent one. We can't all be the silent one, can we?

This silence was killing me.

I vaguely remembered a time where I would have welcomed the silence, but those times were long behind me.

I just wished that everything could just be normal.

Though I was afraid that the only way that that would be able to happen, is if I was gone.