Overflowing (Book 3)

~Chapter Twelve~

~ Two weeks later, Friday ~

It's been two weeks since stopping my meds, and I wasn't doing too bad. Yeah, I had some bad thoughts here and there, but I'm managing. I've managed to make it this far without relapsing too, which is a plus. No one's even noticed. Maybe this was a good idea.

Daichi had a weekend off the grid thing for school this weekend, which sucked, so I was chilling at the dorm with Asahi and Noya. Bokuto and Kuroo had both gone to Tokyo this weekend, and Iwaizumi and Oikawa had something planned for the night.

Asahi and Noya eventually wanted some time alone, so I fucked off with my phone, vape, and my old practice bag filled with random shit to do for a few hours.

I sat out front of the building, playing Town of Salem on my phone.

What I really wanted to do was call Daichi, but I couldn't due to his school thing. God, I missed him.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were busy.

Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, and Kenma were probably doing the same thing Asahi and Nishinoya were. I really was all alone. And let me tell you, it was not doing great things for me.

Intrusive thoughts were slamming into my mind, and they only got louder the longer I sat here alone.

No one wants you around, that's why you're sitting here alone.

I'm sure if they did want you around, they would have invited you.

You're too depressing to be around.

Just kill yourself already.

Cut.

Just do it, you know you miss it. The blood, the pain.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to ignore the thoughts as best as I could. I grabbed my bag and headed over to the campus Starbucks.

No one would find you cutting in that bathroom, it's a single stall. Just do it.

As soon as I walked into Starbucks, that's what kind of thoughts rushed in.

I knew I shouldn't do it, but I did really miss it. Feeling metal slash through my skin, seeing blood drip down.

Fuck it...

After I ordered my drink, and downed the highly caffeinated beverage, I headed into the bathroom. I searched around in my bag, wondering if I even had anything on me to do it.

The hidden pouch inside of my bag, there the stuff was. My old knife and a roll of bandages.

I flipped the blade open, rolled my shorts up and sliced into my thigh, just how I used to. It hurt way more than I remembered. My pain tolerance also isn't what it was, seeing as I've been clean for a while now.

It felt so good though. Almost better than I remembered.

I only did a few cuts into each thigh, that's all I needed to get the voice to stop.

I did a half-assed job of cleaning the cuts and then wrapped them up with the roll of bandages that I had on me.

Once I was cleaned up, I headed out and left, heading back to the dorm building.

As I walked, the adrenaline started wearing off, and all I felt was guilt.

I really just did that...

I really thought I'd be fine.

Fucking hell.

That's all I could think as I walked back.