You Smell Like Hope

13. Meteor Shower

Why do I let myself dream like this?
We're floating away, my body in space.

hawthorns
The plant with long, sharp thorns covering its branches. The thorns that protect the plant from getting damaged by predators.

Jisung's pov.

This must be the softest material my hands have ever touched.

It's horrible.

I hate how much I love it. I hate how much I want to keep touching it. how much I want to get used to it. I can't. I can't and I won't. Get a hold of yourself Jisung.

I threw it away.

I got up to pick it up.

I cried.

I put it on.

I cried some more.

It's confusing how I'm crying now when I am finally getting what I have always dreamed of. the outfit I was handed has no cuts, no opens. It will cover my whole body. Yet here I am. Drying my tears so I could put on the cheap makeup I had used so many times before. however, this time is different.

This time I am crying. I haven't cried while getting dressed before if we don't count the first week of my second job that is.

When I was done, I pulled away from the broken mirror I've found one day in the trash. I took a full look at myself. observing every new little detail about my not-on-display body. I want to tear it apart from frustration. why. whywhywhywhy.

Why was I ripped from this feeling for so long? I don't remember if I have ever looked like this. felt like this. If I was offered to take a guess, I would ask for a wish instead. I would wish that this was not the first time, but the guess would be the opposite. I know that there's no way I would feel this way then forget it.

this feeling of cotton brushing softly against my skin. this feeling of being covered from the world's eyes. I think I am finally understanding what freedom means.

My thoughts were cut by a ring. I picked up with no thought. ''hey Jisung. I am 2 minutes away from your building, are you ready yet?''

''Yes, I will be right there.'' I was already outside of the apartment when he hung up.

I could see him pulling in front of the building once I reached the last floor. when the car stopped however, I noticed that he wasn't in the driver seat instead, I saw him in the backseat when he rolled down his window.

the driver was out of the car in instant, opening the car door for me, ''thank you,'' I whispered taking a seat next to Minho. I would be lying if I said this doesn't feel weird. still can't decide if it is a good weird or no.

''you look beautiful.'' Minho commented. it sounds so foreign, the way his tongue moved while saying it. I have heard it before, this short sentence, but never did it flow with the breeze like that. I smiled as a respond. It didn't pain me, nor did it make me want to rip off my skin. ''here,'' he added as he handed me a small bottle. ''it's a new scent I am working on, but it's base is Lavender, keep it with you.'' I took the expensive looking bottle and slowly removed the cap so I could smell it. ''Do you like it?'' I nodded but smelled it again trying to figure something out.

''tell me.'' he commanded after a pause. ''you said it's Lavender base, but it's different from any of the lavender scents I've smelled before.'' he hummed and smiled making me tilt my head in confusion. ''it's artificial with other scents added to it. I normally do the scent myself first before sending it to the factory, but giving I wanted to try something with a plant that's toxic for cats, I had to make it work.'' I listened closely. I watched him talk as well. I caught myself observing the way his eyes get lost middle sentence but then regain focus, the way he pauses to read my reaction or to check if I am listening just for a second before continuing his talk.