My Almost Best Friend

Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

Have you ever heard something so awful, that you feel emotionless?

Blank faced, no expression?

Or it's like getting the air knocked out of you when you fall on your back.

Like your heart has stopped.

Like you can't breathe.

And then there's this pit in your stomach that you can't do anything about.

That's how I feel looking into Emma's eyes now, that are filled with tears to the brim.

My gaze drops immediately. Because I know that if I look at her again, and see the tears, then I'll know what she said was true.

"It's leukemia, Bree," she cries out. "It's incurable."

I don't cry.

I don't gasp.

I don't move.

She places her hand softly on my forearm, which is clenching now, and she whispers, "Bree?"

I snap my arm away from her.

"Don't."

I turn and start to walk, but there's something about all of the pitiful glances I'm getting from the hospital staff that makes my insides turn soft, and I begin to run.

I run back down the hallway I came from, hoping that seeing Amarys will somehow help, like it's all a sick joke or cruel misunderstanding.

It's not.

I can tell from the way she's sobbing on the phone, curled up in a ball against a door.

Trevor sees me and immediately comes toward me.

It's then that I reflect back on every single horrible thing I said to him. And I'm ashamed.

"I-," I begin to say, but stop as he wraps his arms around me, and holds me close. That's when the tears come.

=========================

I stare blankly ahead at the hospital parking lot through the passenger window of Trevor's truck.

Underneath my eyelids stung from where the tears overflowed into Trevor's shirt.

He puts his hand on my back, and slowly rubs it.

I turn to face him now, trying to keep my breathing under control.

"I've known for two weeks now," he says softly.

"I came with my mom to visit one of her brothers who was having a kidney stone removed, and as I was on my way to find a vending machine, there she was, in the cancer research center. She told me everything."

I run my eyes for a second, and then direct my attention back to him.

"Her parents are in no condition to take her anywhere, diagnosed with depression I think, so I've been driving her to and from all her appointments. We stopped at the food court once too, and that's when you saw us."

Stupid. That's all I can say about myself. I was busy worrying about a pretty girl stealing my boyfriend. I was mad at Amarys. I was jealous, and she was dying.

I know rub my face with my hands, and basically croak, "I'm so sorry Trevor. For how I acted, and for everything I said. I was stupid not to listen to you. I was so caught up with all of the meaningless problems in my life, that I was oblivious to anyone else's problems."

"Hey," he says soothingly. "You have not had it easy these past couple weeks. And I need to apologize too. I saw Amarys run out crying at the dance, and tried to follow her. I couldn't find her, and when I got back, Claire was waiting for me with this story about how you were jealous of her, and I lost it. I was honestly mad. And I shouldn't have sent you that text. There were other emotions running through my head that night."