A wild night

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I never said that I didn't want you. I'm sorry Leo, I'm just too tired now."

"Don't worry, get some rest now. I will take care of Joy in the meantime."

I closed my eyes and let my body rest. I had a strange dream as I enjoyed my two-hour nap. In my dream, I was living in a large house on the outskirts of the city. I was happy cooking in a wonderful modern kitchen when two powerful arms circled my waist, hugging me to a firm male body. It felt so good to be held like that.

"I love you, Briana. Thank you for giving me Joy. "

The voice I heard wasn't familiar. It didn't belong to Leo. I turned around to look at the man behind me and my stomach made a somersault as I saw the man that I had slept with almost a year before. He smiled at me, his blue eyes glittering with happiness.

"Now that I found you, I will never let you go again. We shall be a family." He kissed me and I melted into his arms.

I opened my eyes and disappointment washed over me as I realised it had been just a dream. I gazed at my daughter, who slept in her cot next to me. Leo was also fast asleep on the armchair. Why had I dreamed about him? Why now? It never happened to me before. Joy stirred in her sleep and made a small sound.

Should I look for him? Nah, to tell him what? That I had his daughter? Maybe it was stupid, but perhaps I really should do this, not for me but for my little Joy. What will I tell her when she grows up? That I didn't even know the name of her dad?

That thought kept haunting my mind whenever I looked at my daughter. The weeks that followed have been surreal. It was very tiring caring for a newborn and initially, I thought I couldn't make it. She cried all the time. She woke up at least three times during the night and I always felt exhausted and moody. Even if Leo had kept his promise and came to visit daily, I noticed that the initial enthusiasm he had shown to be a family was slowly disappearing. But maybe it was my fault. I was always angry and sad. I wasn't even taking care of myself. I looked like a mess right now. I was overweight, my hair needed badly to be trimmed and styled and my face looked in need of a good facial. But I didn't have the time, and I didn't feel like going anywhere.

Pam came to visit me often, and I was glad. She filled me with details of what happened at the office and it felt good just to talk to an adult about anything but nappies and bottles.

"You need to go out, Briana. You need a break or else you'll go mad."

"Oh Pam, I wish but I can't. Look at me."

"Listen, I know it feels like it's the end of the world right now. As if you can't cope. It's normal. You have never been a parent before."

"And how would you know how I'm feeling?" I said, irritated.

"Well, I don't. Not exactly. But I saw my mum going through a rough period like you when I was younger. She had five children and I'm the eldest. You might have baby blues, but many mothers experience that. Listen, you need help. I'll come after work a few times a week and take care of Joy while you go out. You could go for a walk or maybe to buy something. Perhaps you could go to the hairdresser or you and Leo can go out."

For a moment, I was silent, thinking about what Pam had just said. She was right.

"Oh Pam, you would do that?"

"Of course, that's what friends are for."

"You're an angel. What did I do to deserve such an awesome friend?" I asked.

She smiled at me. "I know you'd do the same for me."

"Yes, sure thing. Ok, I'll take a shower and get out for an hour."